Schenectady, i am Here

The Hours

2011-05-28T16:58:00.000-04:00

Here is the announcement I promised you all.

A new project and a new blog:

http://thehoursmusical.blogspot.com/

Follow me!

Graduation

2011-05-19T10:20:00.000-04:00

I graduated. And in order to do so I had to stop blogging. I really wish it hadn't happened like this. But I just got too busy. I took 24 credits this semester. Let me tell you the big projects I had to complete:

·10-page paper comparing the viewpoints of Sigmund Freud and B.F. Skinner on the topic of pedophilia (although neither of them wrote explicitly about it) and positing that pedophilia is actually a learned behavior which stems from childhood experience rather than biological causes.

·10-page paper comparing of Le Barbier de Séville, by Beaumarchais amd Il barbiere di Siviglia, ossia L'inutile precauzione, by Rossini demonstrating how Rossini characterizes Rosina as the more powerful figure within the narrative whereas Beaumarchais characterizes onloy men as such using the feminist musicological lens of Susan McClary.

·A Max/MSP patch for a final project which was an installation that allowed two people to attempt to have a conversation with one another through microphones hooked up to computers but actually distorted their speech so much and bombarded them with their own words in their headphones that no conversation could take place at all.

·14-page paper demonstrating how Susan McClary would argue that Stephen Sondheim characterizes the character of Bobby from his musical Company as feminine for wanting to settle into a monogamous relationship in comparison to his masculine friends (both male and female).

·An 80-minute-long group presentation explaining the origins of American folk music, its major contributors, its combination with classical music and the contemporary genres of folk music.

·A 16-paper explaining the precedents set by movements in music, literature, and visual art which and paved the way for the composition of Einstein on the Beach, by Philip Glass and Robert Wilson.

·An analysis of John Cage's String Quartet in Four Parts looking at structure and his use of pet-class sets.

·4 finals in History of Psychology, Childhood Behavioral Disorders, American Music, and Survey of Opera.

All of these things were completed over the course of two months.

So I had to stop blogging.

But I've been working. I may have mentioned a secret project that I haven't really told anyone about. Well, without giving anything away. I will be starting a new blog to track the progress of this project very soon. But I won't post anything until I hear back from someone ensuring the project's future. So I guess I can tell you that it's something that must be performed. I'm not going to start a blog for something that's not getting performed, but there's a damn good chance that it will. So when I get the green light, I'll let you know.

A friend of mine in the musical theatre department of Russell Sage College asked me to be in her senior project, which is a production of Jason Robert Brown's The Last Five Years. I accepted. That will happen sometime in the Spring of 2012.

Filming Ohio is already having a bust summer. I've booked at least a dozen shows for myself and the band and things are only getting better. There's a good chance that we'll be going into the studio in August for a new EP.

I don't know if I'll ever update this blog again, other that to post the link of my new blog. But it seems fitting that I wouldn't. This was set up as a way for be to track my personal and academic progress while I was in college. And now I'm not. Four years ago posted this:

I was at a different college then. I was more depressed than I am now. I had a different girlfriend. I was at an entirely different place in my life. And now, four years later, I can tell you that I don't regret much. A few things, certainly. The breakup, my actions following the breakup, my transfer from Purchase. But those are big events. All of the small things have brought me to where I am today. Even the big mistakes are important and they have taught me a lot about myself.

So as for this blog, it's future is uncertain, as is my future in music. But I hope that you'll follow me to the next stage of my life and writings.

-Justin

A New Year

2011-01-21T11:35:00.001-05:00

So I took a long time off.

But, as I'm finished up my final semester of college, I thought that I should begin writing consistently so as to follow my journey through this last semester.

25 Credits. That's what I'm doing:

What you can't see in that picture is the Monday/Wednesday 1:15-2:35 class I'm taking on American music with the same professor in the same room as the class that immediately follows it. You also can't see the senior project I'm working on: an analysis of Cage's String Quartet in Four Parts. Plus, all this week and next I have rehearsals from 7:00-11:00PM for Little Shop Of Horrors which opens on the 28th. So my days thus far have begun around 9:45AM, when I leave the house and end at 11:30PM when I get back. I'm worn out. Classes started on Wednesday and I'm already ready to finish up the semester. My classes are fairly interesting for the most part, the exceptions being my psychology classes. Hopefully, once we delve into the material, my outlook will be brighter.

***

President Obama is in Schenectady today at the GE plant in Downtown. We're really hoping me stops in for lunch at Ambition. I skipped the only class I have today just in case I have to drive down to the restaurant in the event that he does stop in. It's not likely, but I can't risk missing him.

***

I probably mentioned this already, but I'm now living with Cecelia in her father's house. It's just the three of us since her mother moved out a short time before Thanksgiving. It awkward, yes. But it will have to do until we can afford to move into our own apartment.

***

I got a YouTube message this morning from Orgtanman52. If you've been reading my blog for some time you'll know about this story. If not, here's a link: http://justinfriello.blogspot.com/search?q=organman

It's been almost eight months since I heard from him. Why he decided to respond now is beyond me. But I really lost it this time:

Organman52: So you are saying that you 'heard' this material in your head - the same way the master composers did? If that is the case, I feel sorry for you. But I know you did not hear it, because you simply could not. You tried things out on a keyboard and then committed them to music paper. This is not composing. Not by any stretch.

Me: You're still on this, man? I really wish you would stop asserting that I'm in any way comparing myself to the masters. I've attempted to explain this origins of this piece to you, but your own ignorance prevents you from comprehending my explanations. I composed each individual line without the use of any keyboard. I'm not sure why that's so difficult for you to believe. Not everyone uses keyboard instruments to aid them in their composing. That is not the case for all of my compositions, as I do make use of keyboards often. However, why that makes be any less of a real composer or in what way that diminishes my talent or something you have yet to explain to me. If there is somone to feel sorry for, it is you, as you really can't just let this whole matter go. I understand that not everyone will be receptive to my work, but rather than trying to beat you over the head with explanations and insults, I tried to be sympathetic and conclude that we'll have to disagree on this matter. However, Organman, I can't stand any more of your nonsense. it seems that it is you who doesn't udnerstand what a composer is and should be. Someone such as yourself who is so stuck in the past, who cannot wrap his head around his concepts or the fact that there was or might be now a composer in the 20th or 21st century who can be called a master, should have no business in the field of music. You, sir, are a detriment to the craft of music-making, as any of the great composers you've listed will tell you, they all had to innovate, they all had to push what were the boundaries of music of their times. And though what it means to innovate has changed, that does not take away any of the accomplishments of contemporary composers. And if you would stop trying to compare every new composer you hear to the ones you love so much and look at new works with fresh ears, it might be possible that you would find yourself more prepared to listen to them as your judgement would not be clouded by your own ignorance and hubris Why I have even bothered to respond this time, I have no reason for. I feel like I'm bashing my own head against a wall that will never crumble. But for my own sanity, I cannot let self-important fools such as yourself attempt to belittle the composers and music that I have spent so many years studying. Perhaps you should upload your own video and let the world comment on it. You might yourself in a position similar to the one you have put me in. And when you have to defend your own work with intelligence (rather than the cluelessness with which you write) it might all become clear to you why it's of no use to hold one composer above another, to assume that there will never be composers who could surpass the accomplishments of the "greats," and to talk pejoratively, rather than critically (you seem to not know the distinction) about music. And for God's sake, just let it go.

Organman52: I have been - and will continue to be - 'on this' for the rest of this incarnation. I have taught in a conservatory for over 30 years and saw first hand the contrivance that is involved in 'composing' music. And what is more, student and faculty 'composers' are indistinguishable. It is all paper music, and you will eventually see that reality. Show me ONE THING 'composed' in the last 40 years - other than Messiaen, Stravinsky and a small handful of others - that is ORIGINAL. I have been on search committees at the university level - for 'composer' faculty. The searches were closed after weeks of hard work. Why? Because everyone who submitted their 'music' was like everyone else - random, shapeless, derivative and unoriginal. You really ought to stop wasting your time thinking you can contribute something to the evolution of musical style. It is impossible. Stuck in the past? You do not know what you are talking about. Detriment? To you, perhaps, but in the larger scheme of things, it will be revealed that I am right about this issue. There will never be another true 'composer' of art music. That era is OVER. Accept it, or continue at your own peril. I will have you know that I have ALL the technique to create music. But I do not, simply because it will ALWAYS sound like something that has already been written. Let me ask you this - have you ever created a cadenza for, say, a Mozart piano concerto? My guess is you cannot. In fact, name ONE 'composer' today who can? Now THAT would prove their ability. I would add that my own cadenzas have been praised - for decades. Remember this - technique without talent is boring.

Me: First of all, there is no 'right' answer to this question of what composers are better. That's a matter of opinion. You are wasting your time arguing for opinions. And I must know at what conservatory you taught and what program who were a part of. I would just like some proof of the claims you're making. That's not to say I don't believe you have taught tin a conservatory, but that I would only like to know which that was. And please, stop using the word 'original' like you know what that means. You may not like or respect Cage, but don't tell me that his works won't original. Don't spit out bullshit that says Feldman wasn't original. And who cares about creating a cadenza for Mozart piano concerto? And why would that prove a composer's worth? Composers who do not write in that style have no business trying to write that cadenza how you would see it fit and nor would they waste their time doing so. And I'm happy that your work that been praised. That's what we're all trying for: recognition. People have seen your talent and admire it. But how does that have any bearing on the abilities of others? You are right about one thing. Technique without talent is boring. This is very true. But you are confusing your own predilections without having no talent. What you see as being contrived, that is, the music of the composers I've listed (and it is true many works today seem to only copy those which came before and this is not innovation), I see as talent. The String Quartet in Four Parts by Cage, or for Philip Guston by Feldman, or the Brown String Quartet: these took great talent to compose. If there is anything you say in your next response, please let it be the name of the conservatory at which you taught, the years during which you taught, and the faculty you served with.

Organman52: This is the last thing I will say to you - do you honestly think I am going to reveal where I worked? You would then do everything you can to disparage me. Are you crazy? Anything else you write will be ignored. Case closed.

Me: How ridiculous. I would never do that. You, on the other hand, have made every effort to discredit and criticize my work on unfounded grounds. Perhaps since that's what you do, you have come to expect that it's what everyone else does as well. That you would even think I would take this outside of YouTube, to publicly humiliate you, to shame you, for whatever reason, is absurd. We may disagree on almost everything, but at least stand by your claims. If you've taught anywhere (I can only assume that's a lie, now), be proud of your career rather than shirking back at the thought of a 21 year old college student destroying your name, which is just stupid. You are a phony, a liar, and a disgrace to all musicians who are working to perfect their craft. Don't waste your time by responding. Despite having said you wouldn't, I know you couldn't resist getting the last word in.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

***

I will be getting involved with a new opera company which has started in the area called Mosaic Arts. Someone I know who has worked with the organization spoke to the director about the idea of having me as their composer-in-residence, creating new works and premiering already-composed ones for voice(s). Although I wouldn't be getting paid, it would be a really great way to step into the arts community in the Capitol District. Their season this year was strong: Orfeo ed Euridice, an evening of Strauss, and Suor Angelica. My only criticism is that it doesn't include any contemporary works. And that is where the idea for my being composer-in-residence came from. While I respect their choices (Orfeo was brilliant, and it did include dance from a modern dance company; it also featured Aleks Romano playing Orfeo, she, having what I later described as "the voice I've waited years to hear") it would be a unique opportunity for me and them to include new works in their programs. The contemporary music scene in Albany is nonexistent. So why not spice things up a bit?

***

I'm also beginning therapy again. Mitch Earleywine, my professor for Addiction and Compulsive Behavior, referred me to the woman who will be my new therapist. My first session with her is in two and a half weeks.

***

2011 has been a very exciting year already. There is one more announcement that I'm not prepared to make. Not until everything is completed, that is. Oh, Justin, here you go again, being all cryptic.

I knew that I'd been moved

2010-10-11T16:57:00.000-04:00

Saturday: Cecelia and I went spelunking! Not really. Well, sort of. At Albany Indoor Rock Gym. They have the nation's only indoor cave system. I realized that I'm a lot bigger than I was in high school. I don't mean fatter. Just bigger all around, especially my hips. Cecelia is claustrophobic. And I am too (without actually having the phobia). I really had to convince her to come in with me. She had a panic attack the minute she came into the caves. So she left. Cried. Came back in with me. Everything is black. You can't see anything unless you come to one of the many fun obstacles. There's a rope net. Zipline. Glass slide. Mirror room. We spent about two hours there. That was enough for us. I was close to having a panic attack but we both left smiling.

***

Cecelia called me at work on Sunday to tell me her mother had told her that she was planning to move out of the house in the next few weeks. When I got home from work, Cecelia told me that her mother had told her father this. And so we knew that I would have to move all of my things (clothes, computer, sound equipment) out of her room. We both saw this coming, but neither or us knew just when it would happen.

I remember when my parents got divorced. I made a sign on what was their last anniversary before they split that read "Stay together for me." Nevertheless, they split and my life has never been the same. The aftershocks of the divorce earthquake can still be felt every few months.

I went out with Marie last night (she left this morning at 6:30). She's been a vegetarian for the last ten years. I got her to take a bite of a chicken wing. She chewed it for a long long time and then asked me if she could spit it out. I reluctantly said yes. But it's close right?

I spent the night at Cecelia's house despite the fact that her mother was packing up her things. This was probably a mistake. We woke up to her father's yelling: "— — — fucking needs! — —! Good bye!" We held each other close at 7 o'clock in the morning, neither of us wanting to get out of bed. But when we did, I packed up everything that was mine in her bedroom and when she left for school, we carried it all out to my car. I drove home.

***

I began a project last night, covering my walls with white paper. Since Reaction Formation will be half-recorded, half-live, I want to make sure that the live portion will be enjoyable for the concert-goers. The concert, however, will be in my bedroom. So I've decided to decorate.

On the paper, I will write out the lyrics to all seven tracks on the album. These lyrics will cover all of the walls and the ceiling will be draped with a white, billowy fabric. It's going to take time to pull this off, moving all of my furniture around, arranging the seating, setting up the recording space (not to mention buying ProTools), but it will be worth it. And perhaps I can release the concert on DVD, as I wanted to do with the Proctors show, or at least put it on YouTube.

***

I need money, people. I need a second job. For real.

Ghosts In Command and Reaction Formation (updates)

2010-10-05T14:54:00.001-04:00

"Ghosts In Command" now available to listen to in its entirety for free at myspace.com/justinfriellomusic.

I'm getting really excited about the Spring 2010 release of Reaction Formation. The first half of the album will be all of the studio tracks. The second half will be a live version of the album, with all of the songs played solo. There are so many things to be excited about! I'm planning a college tour in the Fall of 2011. I think I have enough friends all over the state who will be able to help me and possibly play with me at these shows. As soon as a line-up is finalized (which probably won't be until the Summer) I will be make sure that my announcements about it will be plastered all over the interweb.

***

The Janelle Monáe concert was one of the best shows I've seen in my life. I will say this, though: I hate Skidmore. Maybe not the college, but everyone who goes there. Or, at least, everyone who attended that concert. First of all, most of the attendees were tripping balls. Hannah, Cecelia, and I were right up front, no more than 5 feet from Janelle. But the crowd was so aggressive. All three of us were nearly knocked over multiple times. I had the lay down the law. I turned around and cursed out a few people. I think I was so hyped up from all of the day's events, that the anger finally came out and it was directed at all the right people. I have no tolerance for stupid people, and they were aplenty at this concert. And that's disappointing becuase Janelle is such an intelligent artists. Her music is so well thought-out and composed that I am sure many of her listeners are unaware of the musical and cultural allusions. But after 5 or 6 songs, we decided to move to the back of the crowd, away from everyone completely. And we enjoyed the concert much more. We had space to dance and sing as loud as we wanted to. We could hear the music better, too (the bass wasn't so in-our-faces). After the concert, the announcement was made that if anyone purchased a CD, Janelle would sign it. So although I already own Metropolis and The ArchAndroid, I bought the latter CD and she signed it for me.

To be that close to were was breathtaking. Not only is she gorgeous, she's a humble person. And I know that she performs because she wants to feel the love from her fans and wants to give that love fan to her fans tenfold. That's what makes her so incredible. I hope to live like that one day.

We drove home and knew that the night had changed our lives. None of us would listen to music the same way again.

Did I also mention she tweeted me? Oh yeah. I had sent her a few tweets about how terrible my day had been but that seeing her that night would make everything okay. And she sent me this in response to a tweet after my father being in the hospital:

I didn't see this tweet, though, until after I got home after the concert. It was the cherry on top of one of the most up-and-down days of my life.

***

Saturday was mostly spent thinking about the night before. Work from 10-5 was fine. After that, I stopped home quickly to shower then drove into the night to UAlbany to mandatorily attend a performance of Humperdink's Hänsel und Gretel. It was decent. The only male in the cast, Julian Whitley, is someone I went to school with at Purchase. I didn't like him in Hoiby's The Tempest and I didn't like him in this role, either. He sings out of the side of his mouth (I know, I know, I do, too, but I'm not singing opera) and made the same stupid face the entire time he was on stage. Sure, he's a pretty okay singer. But, it just didn't sound good, really. After the performance, a few of us went out to dinner with Dr. Janower (director of the choir) and Fran Whittman (vocal professor at Albany). I dont' think they really loosened up, though, with all of us students around.

After that, I made the trip to Troy to visit Cecelia who was, herself, visiting her friends at Russell Sage College. I hadn't met any of her friends before, only from a distance when Josh and I performed there at the beginning of the semester. They were all so nice. I was just very tired, so I had a hard time being fully engaged. But I enjoyed their company, and I hope that Cecelia will have me around more often.

***

Sunday sucked. I got close to 6 hours of sleep because of work at 9AM. I hate waiting tables. But that what I was doing. And I had a complete meltdown. I was forgetting drink orders, needed Amanda to pick up tables for me and I just lost it. I told Marc, "I can't work the floor on Sundays anymore." And I moved into the kitchen and Marc went out to wait tables. I don't know if he was mad at me, but I didn't care much. I felt like shit.

Cecelia and I made Cauliflower soup and Rice Pudding that night. It made up for a lot.

***

Unfortunately, I was sick yesterday. My allergies really took over. I couldn't function. I was falling asleep in class. Not that I was learning much, anyway. So I skipped Learning and Addiction and Cecelia and I fell asleep in her car after our lunch together. I came home after Chamber Singers for a half hour before I drove back to Albany for the first rehearsal of Little Shop, which took place in a crowded practice room. I brought a box of tissues with me. I thought things would be a little different this year, but they're not.

From school, i drove directly to Expresso Therapy to host the "Open Mic." Only one person showed up. And she read three poems she'd written. Rich performed three songs. Other than that, did 90 minutes of music. I can't come to the open mic anymore. Little Shop rehearsals are now on Mondays. Why they would make a rehearsal schedule before they even cast the show, or why they wouldn't work around a conflict that I had indicated on my audition form is beyond me. But I guess I'll have to give up the hosting gig until next semester.

***

I stayed home from school today. And I called in sick to work. I couldn't breathe out of my nose last night and I need the sleep. I haven't focused on myself. I haven't had a free day in the last three weeks (see the section on "work" in my last post). So I gave myself one. I don't think I'll be performing tonight, either. My voice and my body needs rest. I slept until 11 o'clock this morning. I haven't done that since school began. There's a lot on my mind, and before I break down completely (slide into another major depressive episode) I want to do all that I can to prevent that from happening.

A Day

2010-10-01T16:59:00.002-04:00

Let me tell you about my day.

I went to class, took two tests, watched a movie, and came home.

I made myself lunch, a sausage sandwich with grilled onions.

I played guitar for a little bit and didn't end up working on Five Americans.

Then I headed out to get my paycheck from work. At an intersection two blocks from my house, a short bus was blocking the width of our side of the road so that I couldn't make the right-on-red I wanted to. I thought, if only I could drive up onto the curb and go around this bus. And not ten seconds later a car came from up behind me, and drove to my right, onto the curb for about 30 feet and then back onto the road, making the right-on-red I wanted to make. In the process, he nearly clipped the back-righthand corner of my car. So when the light turned green a few seconds after he made this maneuver and he was no more than 50 feet down the adjacent road, I held down my horn and give him the finger. And then I kept on going to Ambition.

When I got out of my car on Jay Street:

"Hey! Is there any reason you gave me the finger back there?"

Whoa.

"What?"

"Why'd you give me the finger?!"

"Because you almost hit my car!"

"And did I hit your car?"

"No!"

"So why'd you give me the finger?"

"'Cause you drove up on the fucking curb!"

"You're a little punk! You better watch yourself or I bash your face in!"

The people inside the barber shop across the street (including my second cousin, the owner) come out from inside.

"

That shit happened a half mile back and you followed me here to yell at me? It was over a half mile ago. I don't know why you're still going on about it!"

"You're fucking queer!"

"Oh, I'm queer!"

"Yeah, you little faggot"

He gets in his car and begins to drive away.

I'm yelling down the street.

"Go shut your fucking face."

(to one of the men who witnessed the incident): That's some bullshit right there! You wanna follow me a half mile to say something to me! Bull! Shit! That's fucked up!"

I realize his wife and child are inside the car he's next to.

(motioning to the child): "I'm sorry man."

"No, that's all right, man. Do what you gotta do."

"Bullshit, man."

My cousin: "Come inside the shop, we'll talk about it."

"He drove a fucking half mile to say something to me!"

"We heard somebody yellin' outside then we just walked outside to see who it was."

"I'm just trying to get my paycheck!"

I've never been in a fight in my life. But god, I can now completely understand what that rush feels like. I was so tense, so physically aroused. My senses were heightened. I was ready. And I'm not a big guy. I don't have muscles. But I felt at that moment I could fucking take this dude down. He was in his 40s and his girlfriend or wife was in the car not doing anything, unfazed by the whole incident. But I was fucking pissed. I still am. The "queer" and "faggot" stuff really bothers me. Especially after hearing about several students across the nation this week who killed themselves as a result of being bullied about their homosexuality. I just could not believe someone would drive a mile and a half (I know I said "half a mile" was I was angry, but who really thinks about distances accurately when they're ready to kick someone's ass?) to yell at someone because they were so pissed that someone gave them the finger. The finger! Holy shit, the finger! It's not like I yelled out my window someone terribly offensive at him. It's just an appendage! But he was obviously disrespected. The entire confrontation lasted about 90 seconds. But anyone who does what this man (and I use "man" loosely, only in the sense of the pronoun) did doesn't really deserve any more of my time than that.

I didn't say anything about it to Marc when I went in to pick up my paycheck. I was just concerned he'd come back and smash my windows in or something.

After I cashed my check, I went to make a hair appointment. The last time I got a hair cut was a few days before my Proctor's concert nearly three months ago. My bad luck continued. I locked my keys inside of the car while it was running. (Last night, as a locked the car in the parking lot at school right before the first readthrough of "Little Shop," I realized my dome light was one and the keys and my spare key were locked inside the car. I had already locked my keys in my car earlier that day, but I had my spare in my wallet to bail e out. I just never put it back there. I called AAA but they told me it'd be 30-45 minutes until they could get there. So I said nevermind and called my mom. She came about 40 minutes later with her key and I left rehearsal for a moment to unlock my car. I could not thank her enough for doing that.) I realized I did it a few seconds after I locked the door. And I checked in my wallet for the spare key. Nothing. But I was there now. So I walked inside and made the appointment. I told the women what happened and one of them suggested I look again in my wallet for my spare key. There it was. My day was back on track.

But I'm still not in the right headspace, yet. I'll get there, though. I'm seeing Janelle Monáe tonight with Cecelia and Hannah, but not before going out to dinner for sushi. It's going to be a great night and my only chance to relax before another busy day tomorrow. Work 10-5 and then a mandatory concert at school to attend. Sunday is no better. Work from 9-3:30. It seems like I haven't had the chance to rest. And then my mother tells me that I don't know what real work is. And she wonders why I get so pissed when she said that. But she always laughs liek I have no clue what I'm talking about. Yeah, she might have a job that pays more and she certainly works more hours than me. But being a full-time student is a job. Everyone should understand that by now. People I know are always surprised that I work as much as I do and still maintain my high GPA and perform as much as I do. Every day I work. Every day I work. She gets to have days off. She doesn't work on the weekends. She doesn't have to stay out from 7:30 in the morning to midnight because she's work. I do. I reject the notion that school and performance is not work. I work my ass off. All day. Every day.

E'en Sunday.

EDIT: I just received a phone call from someone at Albany School of Pharmacy, where my dad works for Chartwells. He's been taken in an ambulance to Albany Med. I assume this is because of heart troubles. He really needs to get his shit together. Not physically. He exercises when he can and eats right for the most part. I'm talking about his mental health. His dependence on me is unhealthy and the amount of anxiety he experiences over his living, work, car, and money situations (not to mention the fact that he called me 5 times a day when he can't see me) is affecting his life in profound ways. I have to have the talk with him. Because as much as he needs me, he causes me more stress than he could ever know. And if he doesn't get his life together soon (god, he's supposed to move into an apartment today, and I bet that thinking about that all day made his heart go awry, he does this all the time, he thinks and thinks and worries and goes over things a million times in his head and then shit like this happens) I'm not sure how much longer I can continue to include him in my life. It's not a healthy relationship we have. And almost none of it is my fault. It is my fault, however, that I've never spoken up about it. And it might seem inappropriate that I'm mad at him right now, but I am. I'm angry with him because this might just be what he wants, more attention, more reasons for people to feel sorry for him. But I don't. He does it to himself and he's too disconnected from the reality of things to understand what he's doing to himself. That's why I'm upset. He has serious mental health issues and he's never addressed them. And this upsets me. (Gary has done the same thing. He has never been accountable for his mental health, even with all the crazy shit he's done for the past ten years. But for some reason, I've always been held responsible for mine and am accountable when I don't have my depression or anxiety in check, not by others all the time, either, but by myself. I have standards for how I live my life and I would hope that others do as well. It angers me so much that Gary has refused to take responsibility for himself, for his own problems, and his issues are more visible than mine have ever been. But that's for another day. Really quick though, it's become very clear that Gary no longer wants me in this house. He will not say goodbye when I leave for the night (I spend every night at Zöz' house now. He really doesn't like her, although there's no reason for him not to. Not that I need him to, though. I'm fine having minimal contact with him) and he locked the room downstairs with all of his tools in it, despite the fact that I need to borrow his set of Allen wrenches to adjust the truss rod on my guitar and I'm sure that there are batteries or other things that my mother might need as well in there. He bought a padlock and locked the door and no one else has a key. It shouldn't bother me so much. But now that things are blatantly worse than they were just a few months ago, I'm just waiting for another explosion to happen in this house. I'm thankful that I'm not here most of the time.) But the point is, things needs to change soon or else I will have to very honestly reassess my relationship with my father and how much I want to include him in my life.

Say You'll Go

2010-09-29T11:21:00.000-04:00

Wednesday night, I performed at Pentagon 1978. "No Rain." I made it through to the next round, of course, but I am still suspicious of this whole thing. I didn't get a chance to talk to any of the judges, but perhaps tonight will be different. I think I'll do "Tomorrow," another original, written in 2006 (I think), which has been an enduring favorite. I believe that the competition is offically using my microphone stand. Last week the other guitarist had to use mine because hers could not hold the thick base of the wireless mic being used. Cecelia did, however, meet a few other people that can play guitar. I persuaded the two of them (ladies (I think I'm the only man in the competition, now)) to bring theirs and sing original songs. We're turning this into a performer's/songwriter's competition. Maybe it's unfair. But this contest is crazy enough as it stands so I might as well bring in more variables, creating biases other than the ones already instituted, and use them to my benefit, right? It's just like when American Idol starting letting people use instruments on stage. It's really unfair. But idols should be able to do all sorts of things.

***

I closed Ambition on Sunday. That's not a bad thing. Marc had to leave, leaving me in charge of three other employees, all new (one old who returned, so that makes her sort of new). More responsility is a good thing. Even though I'm working full-time. Once I graduate, I will be anticipating many good things coming my way. We have a new cook in the kitchen, Ian, someone I went to high school with in a younger graduating class. He's just learning things, so I feel partly responsible for teaching him all the tricks to working in such a small kitchen. Yesterday (Tuesday) during the lunch rush, I noticed he really wasn't doing anything. And that's not because he wasn't capable of doing anything, but because he hasn't learned the menu yet. I remember doing the same thing: standing around watching Marc go crazy. I really wanted to quit. I wasn't sure if I could handle the stress. But look at me now, world! (Eww, why did I type that?) So I empathize with Ian right now. It took me two months to learn the menu. I still have lapses in memory, and I sneak a peak at it. I hope things work out well. Marc wants to put me and Ian on Tuesdays and take the day off.

***

I'm seeing Janelle Monáe in two days. Hannah is coming back from New Paltz so we can have dinner together. We'll meet Cecelia at Skidmore and have a fabulous evening. I've also been told I have GA Standing "seats" at the Times Union Center for Dave Matthews Band on November 5. I could be, once again, very close to Dave and the rest of the band. I'm just happy to have been chosen to get the tickets I wanted rather than having to scramble to find tickets, skipping class to buy them when they could sell out very quickly.

***

So many tests these past few weeks. I can't keep up.

***

Good dinners recently. I bought a 1.71lb lamb's liver at the Farmer's Market on Jay Street. Cecelia and I made Curry Liver over rice, Sauteed Liver and Onions with a Whiskey Cream Sauce, and Liver Pâté with Onions, Mushrooms, and Rosemary. All of the dishes were fantastic. It was a mess to work with, slicing a whatnot. But the results make up for all of that.

***

I am Seymore in UAlbany's Musical Theatre Association's production of Little Shop of Horrors (we only do shows with "Horror" in the title). Cecelia did not get Audrey like she wanted. I am very upset. I was hoping that we'd get to share the stage again. I have so much fun working with her. Our chemistry was so natural when we first met. It only grew during "Rocky" after we began dating. I thought that it'd be perfect. I guess our friends didn't think so. She was cast in the Urchins. The problem is that the college's theatre department has made it clear that if anyone wishes to be cast in their shows, they cannot be involved in our production or Theatre Council's productions (and TC and the department are buddy-buddy). Cecelia needs to be in some department productions if she wants to grow as an actor and pursue a career on stage. The head of the Performing Arts Center (don't even get me started, I could spew shit, but I won't, I have no interest in getting in trouble or creating more conflict between UAMTA and him) obviously does not support us. He didn't want to give us any space for our show. (He didn't give me any space for the David Ives festival, either (that's why I hoping to do something in the school's art museum). He's just said some of the nastiest things to the heads of our organization and the president of the college won't have a meeting with us to address the abuse on his part. Anyway. Cecelia feels as though it's in her best interest to not accept the role as an Urchin and audition for "Cabaret," the department's production. She'll get credit for working on that show, no matter what role she gets. She's torn up over it all. I don't agree with all of the casting choices that have been made in "Little Shop," but it's not my production. I know that the show will be produced and it'll be fantastic. I just hate dealing with all the chaos and drama that begins Thursday. Yes, the drama will start. It always does. Here and outside the theatre.

Quick Update

2010-09-27T12:15:00.000-04:00

I'm typing on one of the computers in the lecture center. On my first break today I went back to my car to study for a test, eat breakfast and play guitar. I've been working on a new song and working on new songs for me is like a full-time job. Not that I do it all the time. But when I start a new song, I'm writing it in my head constantly. By that, I mean I'm singing to to myelf, humming it, working on melodies and lyric rhythms until it sounds right. And if things just never work out, then I'll scrap it. Sometimes this process goes on for years. That was the case with "Ponytail". I started writing that song almost a year and a half ago, maybe even longer, I can't remember. I just figured out how to end that song about two weeks ago. So even if it's not lyrics or music, figuring out intros, endings, segues to other songs: this is all part of the songwriting process.

For Charles

2010-09-18T09:40:00.000-04:00

http://soundcloud.com/justinfriello/for-charles
- For Charles, Justin Friello, 2010

This is the piece I composed for Intro Class in which we had to record an object from multiple points of view. I chose an oscillating fan. Then I used I-Ching chance operations to determin how many clips or the sounds there would be, the durations of the clips, where in the timeline the clips would fall, dynamic shifts, and left-right pans.

Reaction Formation

2010-09-17T10:57:00.002-04:00

I would like to announce the release of an upcoming EP titled Reaction Formation. The EP will feature 7 tracks of new music:

"King Of The World"
"Pretty Little Thing"
"Nine Months"
"You Don't Call Me No More"
"Ponytail"
"Out Of My Head"
"The Wish"

It's a bit of a concept album for me, although not to the extent that The ArchAndroid is a concept album. It tells the loose story of one relationship over the years as it first forms, breaks off, comes back together, breaks off for good and causes the man to completely loose his mind before coming to some self-realizations. Basically, it's the story of my life since 2007. Although not all of the events described in the songs are factual, the general mood and progression of the album's tracks reflect my feelings and experiences more or less. I'm really excited to be putting this collection of songs together as I hope to feature many of my friends on their respective instruments: trumpet, drums, banjo, bass, guitar. So it will be a more collaborative project than was Ghosts In Command, which took two and a half years to put together because I did everything myself. I also didn't have all of the songs written when I set out to make that album, so things moved a little more slowly than I would have liked. I hope to have this album finished by the new year. I've also got some good ideas for the album cover, but I won't reveal that until the EP is released.

***

In other news. The UAlbany Musical Theatre Association is going to be putting on "Little Shop Of Horrors" the last weekend of January. I'm not a huge fan of this show. But I'll be happy to be working with theatre again.

***

Cecelia and I went to El Mariachi last night. That last time we were there was over the summer. We both missed it so much. We got some goat, tongue, and pork tacos along with chicken in pumpkin seed sauce with beans and rice. I could have been filled up with their chips and salsa alone. It's that good. It's honestly the best salsa I've ever had. And how do you know if an ethnic restaurant is good? People of that ethnicity eat there. Last night we were seated by a table of (presumeably) Mexicans. The food did not disappoint and I will continue to recommend this restaurant.

***

I went to sleep around 10:15 last night.

***

We played my piece For Charles in Intro Class yesterday (That's Introduction to Electronic Music and Media; I'll be calling it "Intro Class" from now on). The response was very positive overall. I got a lot of questions about how I structured the piece, how I recorded the oscillating fan so clearly, (If I didn't mention it before, I used only recordings of an oscillating fan in Cecelia's bedroom to compose this piece), how I got transitions to come and go so smoothly, knowledge that I take for granted sometimes. But I now understand that most people have no sound recording and editing experience. And that's okay. I just had forgotten how long I've been working with sound and recording. I did feel kind of bad for the person who went after me. He also recorded an osciallting fan.

My Daddy Taught Me Good

2010-09-15T10:48:00.001-04:00

I feel myself already getting behind. Not in school work. I can put that off forever and still get As. And not with performing or Ambition. I don't feel overly busy. I've been really productive. I went back to work on Five Americans after a month's hiatus due to college. I've also been working hard for Intro To Electronic Music and Media, composing two pieces for that class. And Vinny and I had multiple performances last week and another coming up next Friday. So I've been doing well. But I feel like I'm getting behind and I really shouldn't feel that way at all.

***

Purchase is telling me to come back. But not right away. I think I'll know when the time is right.

***

Janelle Monáe will be performing at Skidmore College on October 1. Hannah and I are going for sure. I just have to find out when tickets go on sale. They may already be on sale. But I'll buy ours as soon as I find out.

***

I'm going to apply to be on UAlbany Theatre Council's Experimental Theatre Board. I think I have all of the qualifications for the position. I studied under Lenora Champagne for almost 4 months. I've been in numerous productions. And I've certainly done my homeworks, studying performance art and its related art forms for years now. I just hope I get the position. Not only because I'd like funding for the David Ives festival (which we hope to present in UAlbany's art gallery), but becuase I'd like to bring a variety of programs to the college, maybe ever get Lenora to do a workshop.

I think that's what I mean when I say "getting behind." I think I want to do so much that I'm getting behind with my own ambitions. My energy hasn't been focused as much as I would have liked it to be.

The 2010 MTV Video Music Awards

2010-09-13T11:05:00.001-04:00

On last night's MTV Video Music Awards:

Every performance, aside from Florence and the Machine's and Mary J. Blige's (not Drakes, notice that I make the distinction), was terrible. Justin Beiber lip-synched and his choreography was pretty lame, but I guess that what you get for studying the new-Usher, whose own performance last night was incredibly sub-par. I expected more from him. His moves used to impress me. And last night's performance was just confusing. I really wanted B.o.B. to do a whole fucking song. But again, that's the fault of MTV, trying to fit too much into one show. It's become more about cramming in as many performers as possible rather than showcasing a half-a-dozen really spectacular artists. Moving on. Not that I like Taylor Swift at all, but she really needs to get over the fact that Kanye stole her moment last year. Really, Taylor? You wrote a song about being "an innocent"? You're still hung up on Kanye? (And really, for shame on MTV for having so many jokes about Kanye in the first place. He's an asshole that used to make good music. No one cares. Let's move on. I won't even go into Kanye's performance. Being self-depricating really doesn't suit him well. It was all very contrived.) And, Taylor, you're playing a resonator guitar like it's one of those acoustic guitars you can't really figure out how to play either? Maybe you'll say I'm just jealous of her success. Justin, you're not famous, so why are you talking shit about all these celebrities? Just because I'm not on the VMAs doesn't mean I don't know what a good performance should be. And that's why I'd like to talk about Mary J. Blige for a moment. She knows how to sing. Bottom line. And she can deliver the goods when it matters most. She completely upstaged Drake, who's song "Fancy," I really do like because for once he's not going off on tangents about Jada Pinkett Smith and Ebert and Roper and creating more similies but forgetting to use "like" or "as" (I really should make a whole post about this new trend in rap lyrics. It'll be like that post I made about "Boom Boom Pow," but with more evidence) and sticks to a single topic (for most of the song anyway). (I just like the hook. It's a little snarky. I can imagine Swizz Beatz giving some girl the up and down, giving a little smirk, and saying "Oh, you fancy, huh?" Like "I know you think you're the shit, and that pisses me off a little bit, but, damn, you are fine, so I'mma let you slide on this one.") Drake should really watch hias performance. The way he was Michael J. Foxing his hand the whole time really took the focus away from his rapping. I still hate Kesha. (No, I won't lend any credit to you by including the dollar sign on your name.) And I still don't like Lady Gaga, although I will admit that the "Bad Romance" video is visually stunning. And that goes for all of the visuals in last night's show. Most of the time, Cecelia and I were talking through the performances about how awesome the sets and lights and costumes were. Taylor Swift's stage looked incredible. The floor on which Usher and Kanye performed was much more pleasing to look at than it was to listen to/watch performers. The lightbulbs for "The Only Exception" were interesting and simple. Florence and The Machine's choreography was some of my favorite of the night. Eminem's movement from a small club into the arena was unexpected, especially in that the arena was behind him. (But, God, Rihanna, you cannot sing. And your outfit just needed to be different. A message to everyone: stop trying to do Madonna. Just stop. She did the wedding dress and you didn't. So if I see one more VMA performance, even if it's Madonna herself, where a woman wears a slutty wedding dress, I'm going to... well I'm not going to do anything. I'll just blog about it harshly. But you understand what I mean.) I really did enjoy Chelsea Handler's hosting. It didn't feel rehearsed. And she was pretty funny, which usually doesn't happen when actually funny comedians host award shows. John Stewart is the one of the only other instances where a host managed to still be funny under those circumstances.

As you can tell, I was just angry for most of the show. And confused, too. I don't know why Lady Gaga had a meat dress on. I don't know who that one performer was way up high: some really pale girl with bleached hair and high boots. I don't know why Jason Derulo was nominated for anything. (I noticed that he has an umlaut in his name last night. Mmm. I know. I also found out that his actual last name is "Desrouleaux." Pronounced the last of course. But, God, could there be anything more pretentious than adding umlauts where they don't need to be? No one would have pronounced it, "duh-ruh-lo," Jason. No one. You are not Mötley Crüe, or Motörhead, or Blue Öyster Cult. So get that shit out of there. I was pleased, however, that he only performed one verse of his song on that suspended platform that no one paid any attention to, so I didn't have to sit through more bullshit. And I was also pleased that Chelsea Handler made fun of the auto-tuned introductions of himself that he includes in almost every song. See here (you won't have to watch too far into the video): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyG1FG3H6rY.)

That's a lot to digest, I'm sure. But imagine digesting it for three hours last night. At least you get the recap in under ten minutes.

It Won't Be Long

2010-09-11T19:04:00.000-04:00

School has been good. Not great, not terrible. Just good. All of my classes are working out well. I finished my project for Introduction to Electronic Music and Media. I think the teacher was quite impressed. I hope so, anyway. It's always been important for me to make a great first impression on my professors when I can (when I'm not in a 200-student lecture class). The project I'm currently working on takes me back to my second and third semesters at Purchase when I very interested in using the I-Ching as a compositional tool. I'll make a post on that piece, though, when it's completed. In the meantime, I'll work on getting a picture of the last piece on this blog.

(I have to admit, I've been missing Purchase a lot lately. I'm not sure why that is. I miss going into White Plains. I miss being able to get Odwalla Smoothies whenever I want and because I have to to use up meals and flex points. I miss living on my own. I miss feeling like I'm closer to fulfilling life goals when I finish a composition. I don't know. Something is pulling me back.)

I've been performing a lot. This weekend a lone, I had three shows. I didn't think that would happen when I began the school year, but it worked out well. I opened up for a band at Valentine's on Thursday with Vinny on djembe. Vinny and I played again at St. Rose College for a gallery exhibit opening. (That show went really really well. The crowd loved it. We gave away a ton of CDs and I'm pretty sure the faculty is now pulling for us to get on the bills for some of the bigger festivals they have at the college. Today's show was at Freedom Park and Will was able to make it home for this one. It was the 1st annual Peddle Paddle Run triathlon in Schenectady county. There weren't many people at the show. However, we were compensated will for our time in both money and food.

To be honest, there hasn't been much to report. Zöz and I have been cooking really well. We made homemade pasta and homemade ravioli last week. I feel like I expanded my culinary skills quite a bit this summer. I've been able to pair flavors in my head without ever having tried them before and I'm constantly thinking about new combinations. Like one of the ravioli we made. It was a mushroom, ricotta, and sage stuffed ravioli with two sauces: a gorgonzola Alfredo and a balsamic reduction. This was, by far, the best of the 4 types of ravioli we made that night.

It isn't nighttime yet, so I won't say "Good night."

In A Landscape

2010-09-02T08:39:00.002-04:00

Early early classes put me to sleep. No matter what they are. I have not been able to buy the books that I had to return because the versions of e-books I bought don't work on the version of OSX on my computer. And so, I haven't received the refund for that nor can I get access to the fund from the reposited paycheck that bounced this week.

I went to Stuyvesant Plaza fun lunch with Cecelia and Kait V. I hate having long breaks in the middle of the day; I'd rather get classes over with. But eating lunch at 10:30 in the morning is not something I enjoy doing.

I did start a fun project last night from Intro to Elctronic Music and Media:

Sit somewhere for ten minutes and represent the sound you hear in that time.

So I chose Cecelia's bedroom. I started Garageband and used a stopwatch to time everything. I spoke into the computer as I heard the sounds happening and the recorded picked up many of those sounds. So I'm in the process of going back through the recording and getting the exact times of the occurrences of each sound and I will notate them on a large score. Think of it as a piece for percussion ensemble. I hope I'll be able to post the score when it's completed.

Early morning classes put me to sleep when I should as well. I'm bed going to bed around midnight this entire week. As much as I hate being on a schedules, a schedule that I didn't choose (I could stay up later if I could keep my eyes open), it's comforting to remember that I'll be done with all of this when May comes around.

Observations from the first days of classes

2010-09-01T00:35:00.003-04:00

It's no secret that I abandoned this blog over the summer for the most part. I was focusing on more important things, really: Filming Ohio, my girlfriend, work. And all of those things are great. However, I really missed having the opportunity to share my life and thoughts with anyone who has been following this blog since the beginning. (Probably not many of you, but I'm sure there are some who check this page regularly to continued to find my last post from mid-July front and center.)

I'm in my senior year at UAlbany and I'm very thankful for that. I will be graduating in the spring with a B.S. in Music Theory and a B.S. in Psychology. So what does that mean for me this year? Lots of work. I'm taking a very full schedule of 6 classes, 17 credits, most of which are crammed into my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. The only days I'll now be able tow ork at Ambition are Tuesdays, Thursdays (both after I go to campus for one class in the morning), Saturdays, and Sundays. And I've already scheduled two shows on the 11th and 18th of September, which means I can't work those Saturdays. So the money flow won't be the same as was this summer, but the Union Inn should supplement any losses. Of course, that only happens if I actually play at UI. There were at least 4 instances this summer where Josh and I didn't play because it was slow in the bar.

So, my schedule:

Monday and Wednesday:
Personality - 8:15-9:10
Race & Ethnicity - 9:20-10:15
Learning - 11:30-12:25
Addiction and Compulsive Behaviors - 12:35-1:30
Chamber Singers - 2:45-4:05

Tuesday and Thursday:
Introduction to Electronic Music & Media - 8:45-10:05

Friday:
Personality - 8:15-9:10
Race & Ethnicity - 9:20-10:15
Learning - 11:30-12:25
Addiction and Compulsive Behaviors - 12:35-1:30

It's a pretty full schedule when you also consider that I'll be working at Ambition on Tuesdays and Thursdays starting at 11 o'clock and Saturdays and Sundays as well.

But I'm excited. I have yet to make any real judgements about these professors yet. I'll wait until the week is over to do that.

I began this post this morning before I left for classes, but I never got to finish it. So here I am, writing at midnight.

I spent over $400 on books today. That's more than half of the money I'd saved up this summer to move into an apartment with Cecelia in the winter. Hopefully, I'll receive some financial assistance from my mother, although nothing is certain. She closed her business, Children's Creative World Preschool after over 30 years of operation. There just wasn't enough enrollment in the past two years to constitute staying open another one.

I also believe that I'll enjoy my Intro to Electronic Music class a lot. I'm familiar with many of the pieces we're studying on the syllabus and I really am looking forward to the projects that the professor has planned for us. I'll have to find a way to post the soundscape and other recording projects I compose on the internet without making them available for download. Let me know if you know of any good websites.

So some interesting stories from the past two days:

My father met Paul V. Carlucci, the newly appointed publisher of the New York Post at a Stewart on Rt. 50 going to the Saratoga Race Course. My dad usually takes the bus to work (he's one of the chefs in the main kitchen at the track) and so he bought the stranger a coffee in hopes that he would offer my father a ride to work. Of course, he wouldn't have done so if he hadn't already found out in conversation that the strange was going to the track anyway. And so my father go into a brand new Cadillac and was driven to work by someone whom he did not know. Later, the stranger said, "you were looking for a ride weren't you?" My father replied: "I was only going to wait for you to ask." "Well I liked your approach, I knew there was something interesting about you." With more conversation he found out that this man was one of the owners of Siro's, a famous restaurant at the race course. Siro's also happens to be owner by some of the cast members of Entourage. The stranger said he was looking to expand the business' hours post-season and was looking for entertainment. My father, of course, mentioned me and gave him one of my business cards. It was only when the strange handed my father a business card at the end of the trip did my father learn of the man's identity. I'm not going to let this contact go. Could you imagine? I could get a music review in the New York Post. Think about it. That's big shit. Or just the chance to meet this man who could put me in contact with so many fucking people. I'll wait a bit to see if I get a phone call or email. But if nothing happened after a few weeks, I'm going to email him. Really. I will.

Second story. My dad ran into Madison at Wal-mart this week. Actually, she spotted him across a few aisles and called out: "Mr. Friello!" She said something about "I hear Justin has a girlfriend" and she asked how I was and they talked briefly. Things seem to be well with her. And I still read her blog. And though I'm sure you aren't reading mine, I hope you had a really awesome trip in Boston. It looked really fun. God knows I wish I could be really doing what I love in a city that cool. So I'm jealous to say the least.

I actually performed at the Union Inn tonight. Not for the full 3-hours, though. Only two. So I made $60. But that's better than nothing. My last paycheck from work bounced. Turns out no out made the bank deposits while Marc was on vacation. Awesome guys. Now I'm out of $318 and 15 additional dollars the bank charged me for a bounced check. Money is really tight. My dad owes me at least $300 from the Proctor's concert. Work owes me $300. I need to get some money back from my mother for books. I just need more money. But don't we all?

It should be time for bed, but staying up is way more fun. Even when one does have to get up at 6:30AM.

Triptych

2010-07-14T17:01:00.003-04:00

These are songs that I like that I wouldn't normally like.

Maybe it's just because of the video. But when that beat changes, it's really effective.

I heard this song in the trailer for Zach Galafanakis' new movie It's Kind Of A Funny Story. The video reminds of American video art from the 80s. The kind Lenora Champagne would have done had she done video art. So, I guess, the kind of video art she's like. Grainy, jump cuts and all. It's interesting, though, because she's from Norway and probably wasn't around in the U.S. when that movement was happening.

It's Kind of a Funny Story - Watch more Movie Trailers

On another note: Music I knew I'd love. Everyone should go out and buy The ArchAndroid by Janelle Monáe. Buy her first album, too, Metropolis: The Chase Suite. There's so much to be said about these albums and most of it's already been said. She's had so many reviews in online and print publications recently and they're all positive. So, I'll refrain from adding my two cents. Just get her music. And don't burn it. Buy it. Give her money so she can keep doing what she does.

Lastly:

I love Rick Ross' voice. And I really don't like Neyo at all, but he works on this track. But my favorite part about it is the beat. It's taking you to another place with this beat.

And that's what I love about The ArchAndroid. The beats come from all over the place (or should I say, all over the time?): the 50s through 2010 (the entire second suite). Super Mario and the Hazy Maze Cave ("Say You'll Go"), Africa (with Kalimba sounds on "Wondaland"). Shit is crazy. Crazy-good.

The Book

2010-07-08T22:22:00.000-04:00

I wrote the introduction to my book this evening. I won't reprint it all here. But I'll give you a taste from the beginning:

So, why are you writing a book?

I don’t know.

Really?

Really.

There has to be a reason.

Well, sure.

So, then, why are you writing a book?

I told you, I don’t know.

That doesn’t make sense.

I know.

So you’re writing a book because you don’t know why you shouldn’t write one?

No.

Okay.

There are plenty of reasons why I shouldn’t write a book.

Like?

It takes a long time to write a book.

Okay.

And there’s no guarantee that anyone will read it.

Oh. So, then, you’re assuming people will read this book.

What?

That’s why you’re writing it.

No.

Why are you writing a book, then?

It doesn’t matter if anyone reads it or not.

So, you’re writing the book for yourself, then?

Not really.

I don’t get it.

Get what?

Who are you writing the book for?

For people.

What people?

Any people.

But what if no one buys it?

Who said I was selling it?

Well, would that be a reason, then?

What reason?

A reason to write the book.

Sure.

Then, why don’t you sell it?

I haven’t written it yet.

I've got a long way to go. But it's a start.

Sonic Events

2010-06-23T14:53:00.000-04:00

Firstly, I'd like to share this video with you all:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2nmgcVbfKE

Anyway, I've been obsessed with this video for about a month and I was so surprised when I saw this poster today inside of Bagels & Bakes, a morning favorite of mine in Rotterdam:

Major Lazer and other very talented and well-known artists are coming to, of all places, Mariaville? Yup.

And so I checked out the website for the concert this afternoon. and I found this very interesting post:

Sunrise Silent Disco

We are extremely excited to announce the addition of the Sunrise Silent Disco at Camp Bisco 9. With 500 wireless headsets, the silent disco is going to be a unique part of the Camp Bisco experience. The set up will feature two DJs performing at the same time. Each headset will have a 2-channel switch so listeners can jump back and forth or stick with just one DJ while they dance the night away. The tent will open on Friday night at 1am and run until the sun rises on Saturday Morning. Once again at 1am on Saturday night we will start up again going until the sun rise on Sunday AM.

What an incredible concept! Leave it to a crazy music festival to come up with something so interesting. As I am constantly on a search to find a balance between chance and choice in my own compositions (where the choices are usually left up to the performers and myself) the idea of leaving the building of the composition up to the audience is fascinating. Of course, they are not the first to do so. There is one dance by Merce Cunningham, the name of which I cannot remember, where the audience picked pieces of paper from a hat to determine which sections of the choreography were to be performed. And I am sure that audience participation in the composition process wasn't a new idea then, either.

Unfortuantely, I am not able to attend the three-day festival, as I have work and not $155. But if it's something you'd like to attend, please visit http://www.campbisco.net/.

As for other events in my life:

The proctors concert went well. Not as well as I had hoped in terms of attendance, but my performance was top-notch if I do say so myself.

Cecelia and I have planned a trip to New Jersey and Pennsylvania to see DMB perform in Camden. We're staying over night for the two concerts.

Work at Ambition is great. I'm thinking of asking for a raise at the end of the summer.

Filming Ohio is having their busiest summer ever. We have three shows this weekend and most of the weekends for the rest of the summer look that way. Having money is wonderful. Not only that, but we've never sounded better in our four years together. We're tight, we have a ton of new original songs coming out and hopefully we'll be on our way to something bigger in the next few years.

I'm finishing up the set list database that I've been keeping for the last few years. Every setlist that I'm aware of that I, Josh and I, and Filming ohio has played is being catalogued and the songs themselves are being tracked. This goes back to 2005. Unfortunately I wasn't so diligent then with keeping track of recordings and setlists, so there are many holes. But it's as accurate as it's ever going to be. I'd like to turn it into a website one day.

My other project for the summer: write a book. It's going to be like a memoir, but different and less conceited. The idea behind a memoir is that the author thinks their life is interesting enough that people will want to read about it. Sure my life is interesting, but most people don't give a shit. What is interesting, however, is my writing. And so I'll be focusing on small details, often those that are insignificant, and turning them into full chapters.

Signing off,

Justin

Ghosts In Command

2010-06-03T08:01:00.002-04:00

A lot of people are asking me where the title of my album, "Ghosts In Command" came from. Actually, it came from a book by Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow. I attempted to read the book last summer and was unsuccessful, reading only about one hundred pages. On page, 29, though, reads this passage:

But this was a spring night, and the sky was gusting red, warm-orange, the sirens howling in the valleys from Pittsfield, Lenox, and Lee—neighbors stood on their porches to stare up at the shower or sparks falling down on the mountainside… "Like a meteor shower," they said, "Like cinders from the Fourth of July…" it was 1931, and those were the comparisons. The embers fell on and on for five hours while kids dozed and grownups got to drink coffee and tell fire stories from other years.

But what Lights were these? What ghosts in command? And suppose, in the next moment, all of it, the complete night, were to go out of control and curtain part to show us a winter no one has guessed at…

And that passage stirred up a whole bunch of thoughts. These ghosts that Pynchon was writing about sure seemed an awful lot like the ghosts like control my life and everyone else's. Whether we choose to acknowledge them, our memories, our fears, our doubts, our confidences, our pride, our past experiences, and our expectations for the future control how we behave in the present. These are the ghosts that I wrote about on this album. For me, the most prevalent ghosts are those of my long-standing depression and anxiety. And it does often feel as though I am not in control of myself. Though it may not be as severe for others, most everyone has experienced the feeling of not being in control, some other force having taken control of their brains. At any moment I may, being driven by these ghosts, find myself in Pynchon's winter, a season of depression and hopelessness, but that is the nature of my disease and the inspiration for this album.

Don't forget, the album release party and concert at the GE Theatre in Proctors is next Friday, June 11, at 7:30PM. Tickets are on sale now at the box office and online for $12. Please visit the Proctors website for all of the details.

An Unfortunate Exchange, pt. 3, or, "Wow, what an idiot"

2010-05-28T09:10:00.000-04:00

And so I got my final message for Organman52:

Organman52: It is good that you will not respond any further for the simple reason that neither one of us will convince the other. I will end by saying that I, too, will not continue this discussion. And I would conclude by saying to you that as long as there is ONE Bach Cantata, Haydn String Quartet, Schubert Dance, Chopin Mazurka, Grieg Lyric Piece - and this is only the beginning - I will never spend a nanosecond of time looking for 'something new.' There is already more than enough to fill a lifetime. What is this obsession with 'striving for innovation?' Name ONE innovation over the last 35 years.

I conclude by repeating - you will find out eventually that to consider yourself a 'composer' in this day and age is a complete waste of time and energy.

Good bye.

***

I'm convinced that this guy really has no idea what he's talking about. He wouldn't tell me where he went to school. He didn't name one piece of contemporary music to give me reasons why it's bad. Nothing. Oh well.

An Unfortunate Exchange, pt. 2

2010-05-28T09:04:00.000-04:00

I got two messages back from Organman52:

Organman52: Have it your way. But in the end, you will realize the truth.

Organman52: And what, in your view, is the difference between a 'young composer of today' and a person who is in the 70s or older and 'composing' music? I will have you know that I conducted many searches in my years of service at a university, and in the cases where the search was for a 'composer,' all committee members agreed that everything submitted sounds the same. Do you honestly believe that there is anything of value coming out of the minds of these tens of thousands of 'composers' ?

So I wrote back my final message to him:

I'm not arguing for a truth. I'm only defending the intentions of contemporary composers. Clearly, we have different opinions when it comes to what music we both enjoy. However, what we should be able to agree on is that there are living composers who strive to make beautiful music using new techniques and sounds. Whether you or I think that they are 'good' is irrelevant. What is important for a composer to be doing is to innovate. Without innovation we wouldn't have so many of the different genres and styles in the world today (that includes both art music and popular music). Without innovation, Debussy, whom you and I both admire, would never have integrated the whole-tone scale, quartal and quintal harmonies, and pentatonic figures into his works. Without innovation, Bach would never have composed the interweaving melodic lines that are prominent in so much of his music. Innovation is what we should be admiring, regardless of how successful that innovation was. For innovators, the job is to create something new so that future generations of composers can perfect it. There are some pieces by Cage that aren't his best, certainly, but I admire them because they were attempts to create something new. There are pieces by Cage that were written solely as philosophical statements. However, there are pieces that not only innovated but showed off his incredible compositional technique (take "Ten," and the "Sonatas and Interludes" as examples). Such pieces were exquisitely executed. Not once have I ever said that the twelve pitches man has used for over 1000 years have become obsolete, but rather, there are so many new ways of using these pitches and other standard systems of music and twisting them to create entirely new systems for composition. I was very serious when I asked you where you were educated and at what music schools you have taught (you have implied that you've been a faculty member somewhere). If the institutions which you have come from are teaching their students that we should stick to the traditional when it comes to composition, then they do not hold the majority opinion. Yes, we should continue to admire and study great composers such as Bach and Beethoven and Mozart. However, in composition, we should be striving toward new goals, always keeping in mind what has come before us while simultaneously pursuing new sounds, new forms, new tunings, new compositional techniques that have not yet been explored.

This is all I have to say on the matter. I will not be responding to any more of your messages.

Thank you,

Justin Friello

And I included my video of Cage's Aria in the response.

An Unfortunate Exchange

2010-05-27T16:32:00.004-04:00

There was a comment left one day on my video for Melodies on YouTube.

Here is the exchange:

Organman52: What is the current definition of 'composition'?

Me: That depends who you ask. I wrote all of the music you're hearing. And so, I composed it. The composition, though, is of an indeterminate nature, leaving many of the musical decisions to be made by the performers.

Organman52: You didn't really answer the question. Beethoven created compositions, Bach did, Chopin did, Stravinsky did. Are you telling me that you consider yourself among those masters?

Me: think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying. All works are considered "compositions." It's the nature of the term. All composers compose pieces and those works are called "compositions." That term is not qualitative. Whether or not I consider myself in the same league as those great composers you've mentioned is of no relevance.

Organman52: Please tell me - which living 'composer' in your opinion is on the same level as Beethoven

Me: Putting "composer" in quotes is not helping your argument. If contemporary concert music isn't your thing, I understand. But please don't belittle composers who strive to push the boundaries of music and work to create new forms and new sounds. That being said, though many are no longer living, there are composers of the 20th century who can be viewed on the same plane as the greats of centuries past: John Cage, Morton Feldman, Christian Wolff, Earle Brown, Philip Glass, Terry Reily, Ligety, Penderecki, Lutoslawski. I could go on, but you understand what I'm mean.

And then a few days went by and I heard nothing from him. Until this afternoon when I got new personal messages sent to my YouTube page:

Organman52: I am personally offended that you include these nobodies among the master composers. They are/were all a bunch of frauds for whom committing notes and other musical symbols to paper was a pastime. There is absolutely not a shred of inspiration in any of their garbage. That's why it's garbage. The word 'composer' has taken on a whole new meaning in today's society - 'masquerader.'

Organman52: New forms? New sounds? How can you possibly believe that? The same 12 pitches have been used now for over 1000 years. And what new forms are you talking about? We have binary, ternary, rondo, sonata, variation form and a few variants on those. Is there a new form that I haven't heard about?

Organman52: I actually have sympathy on your generation of 'composers' - you have no clue what makes truly great music great, therefore, you can't possibly understand that true composition is a rare and special ability that only a handful are ever able to achieve. But the world is now dreaming - or should I say having a horrific nightmare - and you, like the rest, will eventually wake up from it. I was the chair of a search for a 'composition' professor, and the more than one hundred 'applicants' all sounded the same - dissonance, flutter tonguing, shapelessness - the Beethovens and Debussys of our day - not.

And so I sent two replies:

Me: It's truly unfortunate that there so many musicians who are ignorant of and close-minded to the new music that is coming out of young composers today. It is true that there are many composers who claim to write good contemporary music and simply fill pages with extended techniques just for the hell of it. However, all of the composers I mentioned and so many others did care about shape and color and texture, perhaps moreso than composers of centuries past, but that's only because there are more music possibilities today that are worth exploring (not to mention, people are not afraid to explore these possibilities, unlike musicians such are yourself). But I cannot combat those who cannot open themselves up to new sounds. You will live in your bubble forever, I suppose

Me: Yes. So many new forms you haven't heard about. But I suppose you will never take the time to educate yourself. I'm really not sure what your problem is, really. I never criticized the 'masters', but rather added a few names to the list. I would like to know, though, what schools you were educated at and why they're filling their students' heads with the nonsense you're spewing. If you don't like my music, that's fine. But please do not criticize my intentions, of which you know nothing.

I'll keep you all posted.

I haven't forgotten

2010-05-11T19:19:00.001-04:00

Madison's sister, Kelsey, was hit by a car on Sunday. She suffered several skull fractures and has sever brain swelling. Sam Burdick sent me a text on Monday to let me know. From the last update, I know that her team of doctors are going to remove part of her skull to relive the pressure. And if that doesn't work, there isn't much else they can do.

Kelsey was the only one in the family that I continued to speak with after Madison and I broke up. She listened to my ranting as it was happening and even offered me some advice on how to settle things. And though she was a crazy kid, too crazy by my standards, I admit that I always liked Kelsey. She was continually kind to me, even when things fell apart between me and her sister.

And now, I have no way of contacting the family to tell them how sorry I am. I send a Facebook message to her father yesterday, who flew in from Afghanistan to be in Alabama with his daughter. I don't expect a reply, although I was always on good terms with him. I just can't imagine how many messages he's received. And it's weird to send messages of love and support through Facebook, anyway. It's not a good platform for that.

I didn't feel well yesterday because of it. And I don't feel well today, either. The worst part is not being able to do anything. There is nothing I can do but think about how much I want her to live and how hundreds, maybe thousands of people are thinking the same thing.

So, Madison, or anyone else in your family, if you're reading. Please accept my deepest condolences. Know they come from a very real place in my heart. This is not a message I send to you because I have to. I want to you know how very much I care about you all.

And to everyone else, please think of Kelsey. If you pray, pray for her. If you believe in good vibes, send good vibes her way. And if you're not spiritual at all, then try and take comfort in knowing that her doctors are working really hard to save Kelsey and that so many people are thinking of her.

Tonight is going to be a very tough night for everyone.

Complicated Choruses (my next album title)

2010-05-11T09:29:00.007-04:00

New Videos!

I've been working a lot. The new job has been stressful, learning the menu, learning everyone's names, learning the routines. But I have to say, it's been so much fun.

I've also been promoting my ass off for this Proctors concert. So please come!

I'm trying to think if I have any funny stories from the last few days of school. Not really. I mean, I made my presentation on Makrokosmos and finished that essay. I decided to only focus on 4 of the 12 zodiac signs. It would have been too crazy to have tried to complete them all before the semester had ended.

I;ve been furiously working on my album. I had to cut a few songs from the tracklist that were either not finished or really didn't work out well in recording or that I wouldn't have time to record. But I'm down to my last song, the title track from the album, "Ghosts In Command." It's not finished yet, but I have no doubt that I finish and record it before the week is over.

Zöz and I finalized the line-up for our David Ives festival which will be May 5-7, 2011 in the Lab Theatre of the Performing Arts Center at UAlbany:

Sure Thing
FOREPLAY: Or the Art of the Fugue
Time Flies

***

A Singular Kinda Guy
The Philadelphia
Philip Glass Buys a Loaf of Bread
The Universal Language

I'm really excited to be making my directorial debut. It's gonna be a really fun project and I can't wait to keep you all updated on its progress. Currently, we're trying to get the money out of our club's Student Activities account so I can buy the rights to some of the plays. I already have scripts for all of them, but buying the rights, in total, is going to cost us $735. We have $499 in our budget and the president is letting me take all of it for the rights to 4 plays, so we'll have about $80 left to buy individual scripts for me and Zöz.

I can't believe the semester is over, really. I finished my essay on Cage Tuesday morning right before class and I just finished my essay for Transnational Literature yesterday morning. Yes, waiting until the last minute. But it brings out the best in my writing, really.

So allow me post some of the papers for you:

And there you have it. What I've been working on all semester finally comes to a head. I'm particularly interested in comments regarding the Cage and Transnational Writers essays. The Zodiac one I don't really even care about anymore.

I have my only final on Thursday. And then: Total Summer Enjoyment.

Yes, I've been performing. But I have no money. Literally $-15 in my checking account. I play the Union Inn tonight, so at least I have something until my paycheck comes on Friday.

I've been listening to Sade a lot lately. They play it at work all the time and I forgot about all these songs I love. Pick up her greatest hits album if you get a chance.

As for my own album, I can only hope it's as big a hit as those of the artists I've admired for so many years.

Thursday's News

2010-04-30T10:49:00.001-04:00

Music since 1900: I walked into the room and turns all of the desks backwards. Maybe this isn't significant to you, but I felt like my old self again. The old self who raised hands and told jokes in class, who pulled small-scale pranks for no one but himself. It felt good and it made the two other people in the room at the time of my actions laugh.

I did not go to Experimental Psychology. I had an appointment with the Daily Gazette to put my ad in the paper.

Then I met with Hannah about the album cover for "Ghosts In Command." It's going to look fantastic!

And then Zöz and I met up with Jalissa to go to the chicken spot. We didn't play games or anything, just chicken. But who doesn't want just chicken? No sides. No drinks. Just chicken.

Our get-together with Jalissa was short because we had to go back to campus to have dinner with the Rocky cast. It was organized by one of the ensemble members who thought we should just all see each other again. I'll admit I was hesitant to go, because I was a little sick of everyone. I mean we spent 5 months together. But I'm glad we went. We talked about the upcoming season and got to hear what everyone has been up to. (And I promoted my Proctor's show. Why not?)

After dinner (I ate a pint of ice cream and Zöz had frozen lemonade—Just Chicken, remember, I didn't need more food) we went back to Zöz' house and I spent the night.

And now I'm home. I made eggs. And I'm going to the theatre library this morning to take out some David Ives collections to figure out which of his short plays I'm directing next Spring. Oh yeah, I didn't tell you? We decided our Spring season. 6 short plays by David Ives and Songs For A New World. We haven't figured out our Fall musical, but for now I'm focused on my new directing position.

Joy, Joy

2010-04-29T07:59:00.006-04:00

I did not go to Music Since 1990 on Tuesday. I had a gig at SCCC to promote by Proctors show and to make some money. I always like playing there. The audience is so receptive and they enjoy when I play R&B and rap covers. Zöz met me at my house to help me with the setup and the breakdown. Plus, she just liked watching me play. I don't know how she doesn't get sick of hearing me after four months of being together. I didn't play any original songs, which seem counterintuitive if you're trying to promote a concert of your own music, but you gotta hook 'em in somehow, and covers are the way to do it. I sold two CDs and passed out a shitload of flyers.

"Human Nature"
"Killing Me Softly With His Song"
"Kiss From A Rose"
"Ms. Jackson"
"Nothing On You"
"No Such Thing"
"Buy U A Drank"
"No Scrubs"
"What’s Going On"
"Billie Jean"

I did, however, go to my Experimental Psych test that I blew through. I really need to do well on that to keep my GPA up.

I was all set to make even more money at the Union Inn, but I did not play due to slow business. I did eat dinner there with Zöz and Jalissa, though.

Know what I didn't do? My final essay for Transnational Literature. Well, I started it, one paragraph before I left for the bar. I should have gone home after dinner, it was only 9:30. But I went to Zöz' house instead. Bad choice. Well, it was a good choice. I always want to spend time with her. So after returning home after midnight and going right to sleep I had to wake up early for a long long morning staying at home and not going to The American Piano. The paper was not by best. But writing 10 pages in 6 hours is pretty good for me. Especially when that means reading sources I've never looked at before and combining two previous short papers with new material. And remember, the topic is Transnational Literature and the Role of Women In (Re)imagining History, so that's just a breeze to get through. I ended up eating both breakfast and lunch in between writing a few pages at a time, so I wasn't very hungry throughout the day.

Which was good because Chamber Singers had a concert as soon as I got out of TransNat. I had my suit in my car and Zöz, Josh, and I made our way to the St. Louise Retirement Center with no time to spare. I had just finished putting on my tie as the group was taking the stage. We sounded pretty good, and my two solos went well. I thought I was a little ridiculous to have us take the stage at 3, knowing that most of us get out of class at 2:35, leaving us with almost no time to change and drive there. But we made it work.

Zöz and I came back to my house after dropping my car off at the mechanic (my brakes are crazy and my rear axle is something messed up and I need an oil change) to design the advertisement that's going to run in this Sunday's Gazette:

Would you believe that for a 4"x2" ad, it's going to cost me about $135? Money I don't have (or at least I thought I'd have, but since I didn't play the Union Inn and only SCCC, I have no spending money for the next two weeks; Chamber Singers is preventing me from performing at the bar next week). But these things have to get done or no one is going to come to the concert!

We didn't eat for a really long time. And I didn't want what was in my house, so we went shopping for groceries. We had no plan going into it, but by 11:00PM, I had made a really awesome Spicy Chicken Piccata with Garlic and Capers (the secret is the Serrano Chili, you wouldn't think it'd work but the flavor of the chili, not just the heat, matches really well with garlic and lemon) and Sautéed Brussels Sprouts. I don't know why these late night meals are always the best, but they are.

I didn't want to go home, so I didn't. I spent the night in her bed. And when she had to get up for work at 5:30 this morning, I got up with her and she took me home and I'v been awake ever since. I'm a little jealous that she's making more money than I am right now with her two jobs (hopefully two, still waiting to hear back from Chico's). I can't wait until I get more hours at Ambition.

In Review

2010-04-27T00:40:00.001-04:00

So while Zöz and I were trying to figure out what to do on Friday night, I got a text from Rich down at Expresso Therapy. The musical act cancelled and he needed someone to fill in. So I packed up all of my equipment and met my opening act there. It was such a spur-of-the-moment thing, I was afraid no one would show up. But the café was actually really busy and bunch of people said they would love to come to the Proctors show. Somehow I always soud my best at that place, so with the great recording I got, I'm going to mix it and release it as an album:

"Wasting Time"
"Captain" (first time played)
"Little Thing"

*** Set break for opening act to play another short set

"Letter-writing Intro">
"Red-handed"
"The Wizard"
"Summertime Girl" “(Summer Girls” interpolation)
"It Won’t Be Long"
"Time Of The Season"
"Your Wings"
"Pretty Little Thing"
"Come On"
"Ponytail"
"Tik Tok" [tease] (Justin mumbled part of the chorus over chords after someone requested the song)
"Remember Two Things"
"My Humps"
"Crank Dat Soldier Boy" [tease] (part of the chorus)
"Billie Jean"
"Too Far"
"Crazy"
"Trouble"
"Baby" (Justin Beiber) [partial] (one verse, one chorus, part of the rap)
"Hey Ya!"
"Tomorrow"
"Go Away"

It was an awesome show.

Cecelia picked up Josh Tanis from school and brought him to the show. It was the first time he'd seen me perform and he really enjoyed it. I was glad yo have him there too, someone else who knows what he's talking about when it comes to music.

***

I spent the night of Zöz' house and woke up early. It was my first day of work! It must admit, I was really anxious. New people, new environment. But Marc, the owner, really made me feel comfortable. The hardest part is just learning all of the sandwiches. When it got busy, he took over and made everything and I plated the food. But it was a slow day, really. The weather was too nice for people to eat inside. He let me off an hour early and I took home a menu to memorize. I've got a lot to learn before Saturday.

After work I played tennis with Dad in Scotia. I spent the morning on my feet and wasn't really in the mood. But I played anyway. Lunch at Jumpin' Jack's followed.

I didn't get to Zöz' house until later that evening. I spent the night. I usually just spent my entire weekends there. It's nice I can't wait until we can afford an apartment.

***

Sunday: Bagels and Bakes. Lauren Martin, who works there, said that we're regulars now. It's nice to be regulars. But not so nice to be regular. Well, yes, if that means your bowels are working. (Here's a strange story that Zöz didn't want me to tell her but I told her anyway. I was on the toilet, where all good things happen, and I was taking a poop. But I also had a fart. Now, you might expect that if the fart came out, it would stop the poop, breaking the feces. But it did not. In fact, the poop kept coming out and the air from the fart went around the poop. Imagine a commercial for an aerodynamic car in a wind tunnel where they show the flow of air around the car. That's exactly what happened on the toilet, only the air was a fart and the car was my poop.) But not so much if you're just boring.

Then we had to get ready for the Chamber Singers concert. I gather up my makeshift suit (which was really a pair of tux pants and a tux jacket with a white shirt and black shoes; I don't own a black suit; I should get on that) and we drove away. We got on the crosstown and then I realized I'd forgotten my music. So we drove back ten minutes. Good things we'd left extra early because I needed to buy a new black belt (one of those reversible ones that's brown on the other side; we stopped at Macy's on our way to pick up Josh from campus, the belt cost me only $11, but I didn't get to wear it because when I changed at the church I realized my tuxedo pants didn't have belt loops, as tux pants usually don't have belt loops). Then we stopped at Zöz' house so she could get her Chamber Singers outfit (they really are hideous). And we left. And then we drove back to her house because I'd thought to ask her if she'd remembered her music. So she ran inside for her music and we actually left this time for Albany. Once we'd picked up Josh and arrived at the church and changed into our clothes and warmed up and watched the other performers sing (CDYC really sounded good), it was time for Chamber Singers to take the stage. Let me tell you, our performance was awful. No one counted. No one listened. No one followed Dr. Janower (when he decided to conduct, he admitted today that he should have conducted more, but putting that aside, he shouldn't have to, people should just read the fucking music). I was embarrassed. But what more should I expect from a bunch of people who don't care about what they're singing. (In warm-ups I heard the bass section leader singing the wrong words to one of the pieces. Ha! I go to sectionals even though I know all of the music well. I take the time to help other people out with their music. But this kid, who arranged the times himself for when the bass sectionals were to take place, said that he couldn't fit himself into any of the slots so he'd have to hold his own sectionals. Yup.) Josh, Cecelia, and I talked all the way back to campus about how awful we sounded, not us personally, but the choir. We had some painfully obvious stumbles. We were very embarrassed. Everyone should feel the same. But I'm sure they didn't. It's hard to feel embarrassed when you don't care.

Zöz and I ate dinner at the Tops diner in Rotterdam, where one of my co-workers from Ambition, Kelly, also works. We waited on our table. And it turns out that I know her cousin and sister. Went to high school with them, also Kelly is much older. In fact I know a ton of people who work at Ambition. I can't stop thinking about how awesome a place it is and how excited I am to have gotten that job. I hope to be there a long time. (But I've got to learn this damn menu first.)

Today's classes all went well. When do they not? But I was very sleepy.

I met for an hour with Professor Von Arx after Chamber Singers to discuss my paper. I'm scaling things back for the course. I'm only going to write about four of the Zodiac sings for my Crumb essay. Although, I hope to write on all of them this summer.

Then I met Nathan in the library to study for the Experimental Psych test tomorrow. Two hours. I'm not sure if it needed to take that long, but I will say that I know the material well, now.

And tonight I spent a few hours at Zöz' house. I hadn't really seen her all day. We didn't do anything, but I brought over Mr. Frog and Sheep, and they provided us with a few hours of fun.

It's a sad life we lead, but I'm happy being sad with her.

Without Words

2010-04-23T16:59:00.001-04:00

I woke up early to again write note on a presentation I had not yet prepared for. In fact I hadn't at all begun to think about Cage's new definition of time in Solo For Piano. But, with the help of Cecelia, who came over early for pancakes, who helped me name some of these concepts, I've come up with the idea that Cage was trying to portray a Time with multiple dimensions, much like physical space. I will write another separate post on it because I feel the topic deserves its own space.

The presentation went really well. And although the topic is a bit esoteric, a few of my Music Since 1900 classmates and Professor Newman really got a handle on what I, myself am trying to pin down with this topic.

I won't be taking my Experimental Psych test on Tuesday because I've scheduled a performance at SCCC to promote my Proctors concert (and also to make some extra money). I rescheduled the test.

I came back home and did nothing until I picked up Ebony at her house. We'd been trying to call Jalissa but we couldn't get a hold of her. It turns out she didn't have her phone at work, but she was getting ready to go to Proctors for the All-City Choral Concert, a concert where the choirs of the elementary, middle, and high schools sing ahowy pieces for the family-and-friends audience. THe whole theatre was sold out (not that it cost any money to get in), but Jalissa was about to go because her sister was in the middle school choir. So we drove to Jalissa's house to pick her up and we ate dinner at the Alto Grille right next to Proctors. We were going to eat at Ambition, but the sign on their door said they'd blown a fuse and had to close early. Hopefully it'll be fixed for my first day a work tomorrow. Zöz met us at the restaurant. The pulled pork panini I had was really tasty.

The concert was okay. The high school Chamber Singers didn't sound anything like it did a few years ago when I was a senior. And it certainly didn't sound anything like it did when I first joined in 10th grade. I'm not saying I'm awesome, but the class of 2007 and surrounding classes had some awesome singers in them.

Ebony got dropped off after the concert (it was only one hour long) because she was going to Albany to go clubbing I assume. I never actually found out what she had plans for.

So Jalissa and Zöz came back to my house and we played cards for a little while. Then we watched videos of Dave Chappelle and Audra McDonald (not in the same videos) and looked up musicals that we could do at Albany next year.

They went home around midnight.

I didn't do any of the work I would have liked for today's classes. So I woke up early to read 50 pages for a class that I didn't go to. More later.

I felt right at home in The American Piano this morning. Professor Von Arx was talking about Crumb and even asked for my interpretations of the symbolism in a few movements of Makrokosmos. Prof. Hoyt came in at the end of class. He studied with Crumb at the University of Pennsylvania and he had some pretty interesting stories for us. Joel Thome, a composition Professor at Purchase is good friends with George Crumb.

I've noticed that with the new layout of my blog you may not be able to see which words are hyperlinks. I'll try to fix that.

I didn't go to Transnational Literature. Instead, I went to Stuyvesant Plaza with Zöz and picked up a copy of The Interrogative Mood, by Padgett Powell, a book I've wanted to purchase for some time, now.

Then we met Josh Tanis back at school so I could pick up the Library's copy of Cage's Solo For Piano I lent to him. Then we went to an informal production meeting to choose what shows our theatre organization will be doing next year. It was only me, Josh, Cecelia (who had to leave early to drive to work), Mallory, and Kait. It was nice to be included. It turns out that I'll be directing a collection of David Ives, about 5 or 6. I've performed in and seen productions of his work, and I'm always impressed with his writing. It will be my first directing job, but I think that I'll be able to handle it. It'll be fun, I think.

I have taco dip in the fridge that needs to be eaten. It's not going bad. But I need to eat it.

Someone Like You

2010-04-21T23:48:00.001-04:00

I wrote all of my entire presentation notes for The American Piano this morning. I woke up at 7 when my alarm went off, but I fell back asleep and forgot to wake up again. It was 9:30 when I opened my eyes to find it was 9:30! I scrambled to shower as quickly as possible. I still had to read 20 pages of The Agüero Sisters for Transnational Literature too. So I made oatmeal as I read. Drank my orange juice quickly and got to work. I finished in time, but I had to speed to school to make it to class before the teacher could mark me as late (not that she really takes attendance anyway, but it wouldn't have looked good to be late for my own presentation). How do you talk about Cage's contributions to the piano in 55 minutes? You can't. So I had to squeeze things in tight. But everyone really enjoyed it, as I expected (as usual).

The rest of my day at school went well.

I stopped at Price Chopper on the way home to buy steak to grill for me and Zöz. I used the same seasoning I used on Valentine's Day for that steak. It really cheered her up. She wasn't having such a good day.

Zöz left for another job interview (even though she already got a job at a daycare center) in Albany and I burned CDs for my concert tonight at Emac and Bolio's as part of a fundraiser for autism awareness sponsored by one of the sororities at UAlbany. I got the gig last week when the owner sent out an email that he needed someone to close out the night. I don't mind these last-minute shows. They're usually the most fun.

Vinny came to watch, but he happened to have his djembe in the car, so he played with me the whole show.

"Billie Jean" (first time played as an opener)
"No Rain"
"Taste So Good"
"Trouble"
"Wasting Time"
"It Won’t Be Long"
"Crazy"
"Tomorrow"
"Human Nature"
"Your Wings"
"Pretty Little Thing"
"Virtual Insanity"
"Captain" [tease] (opening chord strummed a few times)
"#41"
"The Kissing Tree"
"Reaper"

It was a really really good show. Vinny had never played most of those originals before. In fact he'd never even heard "It Won't Be Long," "Pretty Little Thing," and "The Kissing Tree" before. Cecelia came about halfway through the show. It's just not the same when she's not there.

I am pleased to announce that Filming ohio made it into the SPAC Battle Of The Bands. I knew on Monday that we'd made it, but we weren't allowed to go public with it until today, when SPAC announced it officially: http://www.spac.org/article.php?articleId=9eeb4ae5-7f29-102d-9c0a-6a64ba77275e. Tickets are $15 and are on sale right now. So buy one if you're in the area.

I've got a paper to write on Adorno and Horkheimer's essay about the Culture Industry. I get to talk about hipsters for 5 pages! Go me!

Update of an update

2010-04-21T00:32:00.001-04:00

Zöz came to see me quickly after work. She and Jalissa were supposed to go to a rehearsal for something for the Lion King that's coming to Proctors Theatre soon. They're going to be performing with some of the actual cast. I was supposed to be in it, but I just don't think I have the time.

The Union Inn went well. I picked up Jalissa and we went early so I could eat. Well,our food didn't come as fast as I'd hoped, so I ate between songs in my first set. I got to do some fun things tonight. It's nice to fool around when no one is paying any attention.

"Melissa"
"Billie Jean"
"Trouble"
"Beverly Hills"
"The Song That Jane Likes"
"Summertime Girl" (“Summer Girls” interpolation)
"Down By The River"
"Little Thing"

***

"Human Nature"
"Wasting Time"
"Like A Rolling Stone"
"Help Myself" [tease] (main riff a few times)
"What’s Going On"
"It Won’t Be Long"
"Float On"
"Wonderwall"
"Waterfalls"
"The Wizard"
"Because I Got High" (first time played)
"Virtual Insanity"
"Money (That’s What I Want)" [tease]>
"Day Tripper" [tease]>
"Money" (That’s What I Want) [tease]
"Red-handed"
"Hot In Herre" (first time played)
"Return Of The Mack"
"You Can Make It" [tease]

***

"Improv Jam" (Justin makes up lyrics about a girl wearing a blue sweater, chords sound similar to the opening of “It Won’t Be Long”)
"Kiss From A Rose"
"Two Step"
"Hold Me Down"
"No Scrubs"
"Time Of The Season"
"Nothing On You"
"Because I Got High" [partial] (one verse, Justin talks about 4/20)
"Killing Me Softly With His Song"
"I Touch Myself"

***

"Norwegian Wood"> (cut from recording)
"Recently" (“On Broadway” interpolation, cut from recording)

And now I'm going to procrastinate more and not prepare my presentation on John Cage for tomorrow's class. I'll do it in the morning and send it to her. I'll just get up early. Christ, I don't have to go into class until 12:35 in the afternoon. I've got reading to do anyway.

Another Update

2010-04-20T16:32:00.000-04:00

No more updates on the essays.

School is fine. Classes are good. Lots of reading and discussions.

No Chicken Spot on Thursday. I was working on homework and writing new songs.

Voting began Friday for the SPAC Battle of the Bands. It ended Sunday at 11:59PM. I'll let you know the results once they're made public.

Saturday was when the real fun began. I had slept over at Zöz' house, so we went to Bagels and Bakes for breakfast since we would not be seeing each other Sunday morning. I returned to my house earlier than I would have liked, but only because I had to pack for Plattsburgh.

That's right! Filming Ohio in Plattsburgh! Aden picked me up in his van at 2:45, then we went around the city and got everyone else. (Everyone except Josh, he was in Potsdam.) We made the two and a half hour drive to Plattsburgh that was full of adventure. Lots of new FO jokes. We almost ran out of gas, but we made it in time to Bolton Landing to stop. The Rock Against Rape concert started at 5PM, and we arrived around 6:30, and Filming Ohio wasn't set to take the stage until midnight, so we had a long time to do nothing. We took a tour of downtown with our tourguide, Dave (of Flip The Bus). It was pretty interesting. He said there are no ghettos in Plattsburgh and it's true. It's all very nice. The problem is once we ate a pizza and a ton of wings (Josh had his girlfriend drive her to the bar from school, she stayed with a friend on SUNY Plattsburgh) with Dave we walked around the city for a while, just me, Aden, and Josh, trying to find something to do in a not-much-to-do-if-you're-under-21 town. We got smoothies in a really nice little smoothie place that was full of teenagers. But it was so quiet! It really freaked me out. Schenectady teens: loud! Filming Ohio: loud! Plattsburgh kids: quiet. I didn't like it. We were the loudest kids in there and I felt like eveyrone was starting at us. Flip The Bus played a really good set. I heard some originals I'd never heard before and I enjoyed them a lot.

Then finally, Filming Ohio took the stage. We rocked the fucking house. We had rehearsed in a stairwell for about 90 minutes during Flip The Bus' set, working on new covers we'd never done before.

"Friend"
"No Rain"
"Mis Hijos"
"Clocks" (played on baritone guitar)
"Beverly Hills" (played on baritone guitar)
"Little Thing"
"Taste So Good"
"Human Nature" (first time played full band)
"Short Skirt/Long Jacket" (played on baritone guitar)
"If I Say We" (played on baritone guitar)
"Jumper"
"Vibrations" (“Theme from James Bond” interpolation, Josh)
"Superman"
"Old News"
"Bye Bye Bye" (Justin started on acoustic then switched to baritone guitar)
"David" (“Just A Friend” breakdown)
"Virtual Insanity" (first time played full band)
"Clothes Off" (first time played)
"Summertime Girl" (“Summer Girls” interpolation during breakdown)

Everything sounded awesome. The horns really killed it. I lost my voice and little bit becuase of this cough I've had for over a month, but everything was so tight. Will had some great solos with the wah-pedal. Vinny was on point the whole night. I even took a guitar solo in "If I Say We" and the band said they liked it, so that's a first.

We spent the night at Dave's house, which we got back to around 2:45 in the morning. I went up to bed at 3:30.

The next morning, we woke up at quarter to 10 and got on the road by 10:15. We had to drive Josh back to SUNY Plattsburgh to meet up with his girlfriend, after which the rest of us drove to Dunkin' Donuts before getting on the Northway to return home. And by 2PM, I was back in my house.

What did I do with the rest of my day? Nothing. Why? Zöz was in the city at an Open Call for the national tour of Spring Awakening. She said the casting director said she sounded great and that she got to sang more than everyone else in her group. She didn't make the cut, but she was really proud of herself for having auditioned in the first place, not turning back at spending the day at MoMA one of the many times it had crossed her mind. I'm proud of her too.

She got back to her house around 11PM and I met her there. I didn't intend to spend the night, but I did. I was just too tired to get back in my car once the clock turned to AM-times.

Monday's classes went well as always. Nothing to report. There was a concert by Vocális at the First Unitarian Universalist Society of Albany (the Cult, as I like to call it: I don't have a problem with their beliefs, but they're not Unitarians or Universalists, so they really shouldn't call themselves that; Zöz gets mad at me when I call it a cult, she used to go there for the first 10 years of her life, but do I care? not at all) that was horrendous. You all know that I don't hold back my criticisms of concerts (see this post). It was a good thing that they instructed us not to applaud until the end of each set of pieces because I wouldn't have applauded anyway. The program was supposed to have been "A Cappella through the Ages" but it was not. It was a shitload of Renaissance polyphony and a few pieces (terrible selections at that) from the 20th century. The worst was Richte mich, Gott, by Mendelssohn. There are a few reasons for this: mostly blend, but the diction was awful. They kept saying "got" as in the English word "got," not [gɔt] as it should be. Unacceptable for a professional, touring choir. The whole concert was terrible. And Double, Double Toil and Trouble, by Finnish composer Jaakko Mäntyärvi was a joke. It's pieces like that that give choral and vocal composers (all contemporary composers, really) a bad name. The opening work, Cor meum est templum sacrum, by Patricia Van Ness was intolerable. First of all, she's from Maine. Nothing good really comes out of Maine. Secondly, she's a woman, and we all know that women haven't contributed much of anything worth listening to in the last few hundred years (with a few exceptions). That's a harsh critique I'd made without even having heard the piece. But my suspicions were confirmed. The thing was terrible. She attempted to recreate Renaissance polyphony. However, it was the same damn chord progression for the whole song. And it was slow. And it was boring. And the choir didn't do anything with it, either. So they're just as much at fault. I could go on and on and on, but who cares, really? You weren't there. Or maybe you're in Vocális and you're reading this after having Googled your name. If that's the case, listen up. You guys need work. And really? You did "Yesterday"? Come on, everyone does that. And you're not Boyz II Men, so you shouldn't be performing it. There were two bright moments, though. The first was when mezzo-soprano Natalia Kojanova sang a solo in There is a Balm in Gilead. She had a heavy Russian accent, but her diction was the best out of everyone. That's saying something. The second was when I realized there was a countertenor in the group, Daniel Yox. You could hear his voice really clearly, and he sounded great. Enough of that, I'll just rile myself up.

Nothing to report on today yet. I've got Union Inn tonight, so maybe I'll update again on that when I get back.

I did, however, get a phone call from Ambition Café on Jay Street in Schenectady. I stopped in after I got back from school. Apparently the boss and I have mutual acquaintances who put in a good word for me. He asked me a few questions, asked me my schedule. And I got hired. I start Saturday. My first kitchen job! He wants to start me off slowly, but I think this is going to work out really well. Things are coming together and Zöz and I hope to move out of our houses and in together by the end of the summer. She's working at a daycare center in Colonie. It couldn't be better timing, really. Things are really tense around here all the time. It's too much for me. Too much negative energy. And I'm stressed out enough. The GE Concert, plans to write an autobiography this summer, and finishing up all classical pieces I've started that are worth finishing. I've got a lot going on. Oh, if you're planning on coming to the GE Concert, you should buy your tickets now so I have a better idea of how many I'll need to sell.

Oh bother…

The weekend

2010-04-14T11:47:00.001-04:00

I spent Friday night at Zöz' house. We have a new friend, too: Mr. Frog. I'll post a good picture of him when I take one.

I woke up not early on Saturday afternoon to hang flyers with my Dad around Schenectady. I get awfully nervous when hanging flyers. I don't quite know why. So I'm glad Dad was with me to walk into the businesses I was too anxious to approach.

Zöz and I didn't end up doing anything Saturday night. We were both extremely tired for no good reason. Oh yeah, I remember. I made a really shitty dinner at her house. I've cooked Angel Hair with Roasted Red Pepper Alfredo Sauce a thousand times. But this time the sauce seized up and the cheese clumped together. I was in an awful mood for the rest of the night.

Sunday began with our weekly trip to Bagels and Bakes. That day was more eventful. I took my guitar and the color flyers around to the Union College campus to take pictures for the photo montage for the concert and to hang the flyers in the Campus Center. We also made our way around downtown Schenectady. We ended up using one of the pictures for the black and white flyer:

I'm really happy with the flyers. Zöz and I really worked hard on them and I hope all this advertising will pay off with a full house. That doesn't assuage my nervousness, though.

Monday's classes were fine. That's all I can really say about them. We had a presentation from the Pierrot Consort that wasn't that great. They played a piece that they had commissioned for their 25th anniversary together. But it's that same sort of Neo-bullshit I keep hearing. Ooh, a succession of fourths! Ooh! musical saw! Maybe I'm jaded from my time at Purchase, but these things don't excite me. You've got to be unique to impress me. Plus the violinist/sawist really seemed to talk down to the class and the other members of his ensemble. He has no idea who I am and what I'm accomplished. Too bad, I had high hopes for the presentation.

Chamber Singers had their first concert at a Retirement home in Slingerlands that night. I brought back my old Oscar character from "I'm Old!" a Managing Me Productions film made in the summer of 2007. Oscar is an elderly man living in a retirement home. The Chamber Singers seemed to enjoy it but I had to watch my back to make sure none of the actually elderly were watching. The concert was okay. I got to sing the solo in the beginning of one of the spirituals. I also seem to get those.

We followed Kait (Eddie, Dr. Scott) home. She's from Scotia. I told her to get in the car. We were going on an adventure. WE didn't do much, just drove around all over Schenectady telling stories and commenting on all of the people walking at night. It's nice to have friends again.

And yesterday was a fine day, too. We plastered the UAlbany campus with the flyers and took more pictures for the montage. The Union Inn went well, too. I booked another show at the end of May.

I haven't made much progress on the three essays I have to write by the end of the semester since I last updated. I'm just lazy/overwhelmed.

December

2010-04-09T00:15:00.000-04:00

I slept at Zöz' house every night during Spring Break. We had a ton of fun. I played four shows, and the last two were the most fun: First Fridays in Albany at the Ten Broeck Mansion and the Lark Tavern (which I'm surprised we even got to play because Tess was very straightforward about the 21+ age requirement for all performers the last time Josh and I went there for Open Mic.) Filming Ohio even made a music video as an audition tape for the SPAC/WEQX Battle Of The Bands coming up. We taped it outside in front of Aden's house. I'll post the link once it's uploaded.

I spent a lot of time working on my new album. I have 10 tracks completed and it's 52 minutes long. I hope to have the fun album completed by May 11, that's one month before the date of my concert at Proctors! And now they have the updated website up: http://www.proctors.org/events/5691

And these are the flyers!

If you haven't bought your tickets yet, please do.

Zöz and I went to Mass MoCA on Monday to see the Sol LeWitt exhibit going on.

I wrote a lot more of my paper on Makrokosmos for The American Piano, but I'm only 1/3 of the way done and it's already 20 pages. I've got a lot of work to do.

Going back to school wasn't much fun. I realized how quickly the semester will soon be over and just how bad I wish it were over now.

Were we denied entry into The Field's Sponsored Artist Program because Charlie, Sean, and I, are still in school. And we've pushed back out date for the festival.

I'm going to start a new vocal ensemble exit semester devoted solely to the performance of post-1900 vocal music. (really just so I can have an ensemble to perform my works.)

I love you, Zöz.

The Board Game Crew no longer goes to Wings and Rings. They changed all of their sauces and it's terrible. We only go to the chicken spot, now.

I've got some reading to do.

Loose Ends

2010-03-23T01:44:00.000-04:00

It has been a long time, hasn't it?

Rocky Horror turned out great. Why? We had some cast bonding time instead of a rehearsal on Thursday, the day before the show. We sold out both nights. And I couldn't be happier about the experience. I realized that it's something that will never truly be explained. You had to have been there. And I made friends. After Saturday's show, 6 of us (5 of us and Jalissa) went out for dinner/breakfast on Wolf Road. And it was nice. Just really nice. Then coming back from the diner, we got pulled over on campus. I was driving all of us.

Officer: What is this, a clown car? Do you know you almost went off the road back there?
Me: I got nervous when I saw you put your lights on.
Officer: License and registration, please. Does it look dark in front of you?
Me: No. Oh…
Officer: I pulled you over because you don't have your lights on.

(The officer walks back to his car with the other police man who walked up alongside the passenger's side windows.)

Josh: "This is no time for card tricks, Brad." "We'll just pull out the aces when the time it right."
Me (trying to quiet a storm of laughter in the backseat): Stop. Stop making jokes. Stop laughing.

(The officer returns.)

Officer: Where are you guys going?
Me: The SEFCU building.
Officer: Why are you going this way?
Josh (raising his hand): I'm going to Indian.
Officer: You're going to Relay For Life?
Me: Yes.
Officer: All right. Have a good night.

I always get pulled over for the strangest things. Not for the fact that there were 4 people in the back seat. But because I clicked my lights on only one click, not two.

***

Progress on Five Americans was halted due to the show and essay-writing. But I'll pick it up soon.

***

I deposited all the money for Proctor's Theatre. I will be performing there June 11, in case you guys don't know. http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=324597824935&ref=ts

***

The Fluorescent Sounds Music Festival is pushing back it's first season to the Spring of 2011. We just signed up for a workshop with The Field so we can began to collect donations soon.

***

Zöz and I are great.

***

School is terribly stressful. I've been assigned so many papers. 20 pages for The American Piano (which will actually be 50, I'm sure I'll write about that paper at some point), 15 pages for Transnational Literature, and 15 pages for Music Since 1900. All of those papers are due around the same time. I don't think I'll be singing in Chamber Singers next semester. For some reason it's just not fun. I don't know why. It should be. But it isn't.

***

Filming Ohio performed at a benefit for St. Baldrick's at Savannah's in Albany on Sunday. It was only me, Will, and Vinny, but we caught the attention of one of the other bands playing that evening and they asked us to open for them at the Lark Tavern in Albany on April 3rd. We're starting to book up the spring and summer quickly. I need to be busy. But I also need to get a job. And work and music never go well together.

***

I hope this wrapped everything up for you. Now that my life is back on track, I can start updating more frequently. (But I always say that, don't I?)

Pigtails

2010-03-09T01:05:00.000-05:00

Thursday: Class. Rehearsal (which was actually good). Our first run-through on stage. And then I stayed up until 3AM writing my paper on Faulkner for transnational literature. But I fell asleep before I wanted to. So when I woke up at 4, I decided to set my alarm for 8:30AM.

Friday: I wrote 6 pages of my paper in three and a half hours. To read my paper, "Absalom, Absalom! The Gendered Body as National Symbol", click on this link:

http://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B_Z2ZeHIiVLbM2ViODNkNmQtYmJkOS00YmE4LWJlYmEtMzI4YmFkOGZkM2Fj&hl=en

Then class. And then a trip to the unknown music library at UAlbany. Guess what? They have a better music selection than Purchase does. Who knew?

Scores I took out:

String Quartet in Four Parts, John Cage
Fontana Mix, John Cage
Music for Amplified Toy Pianos, John Cage
Solo for Piano, from Concert for Piano and Orchestra, John Cage
Sonatas and Interludes, John Cage
Available Forms I, Earle Brown
Perspectives, Earle Brown
Makrokosmos I, George Crumb
Makrokosmos II, George Crumb
Black Angels, George Crumb
String Quartets I-VI, Bela Bartók

I'm writing my 15-20 page paper for The American Piano on Makrokosmos I and II

We were both bored, so we went to Crossgates.

And then dinner with Dad and Zöz at Chipotle. Always delicious.

And I ended up sleeping over at Zöz' house. The plan was to go home after we watched the DVD of Kronos Quartet playing Black Angels (so I could follow along with the score) and a documentary called Pucker Up about the International Whistling Competition. But the plan changed and I spent the night.

Saturday: We woke up late and I missed my haircut appointment. I called the salon and got a new one. I didn't have my car, though, so Zöz dropped me off at the salon. She was running behind, as I've come to expect, and while I was waiting a little girl threw up (a lot, all at once, looked like bananas in heavy syrup) next to me. Beforehand, her mother (who afterwards insisted on still getting her haircut) mentioned something about her daughter not feeling well and having a fever and a sore throat. She also, while yelling at her other daughter for running around, shouted these gems:

You're gonna drive me to drink!

If you don't stop running, I'm gonna beat you!

Dinner was at my house. We invited Hannah over for grilled mushroom sandwiches and some sautéed veggies. We played Jenga and Boggle afterwards. Board games are really making a comeback in my life.

And then we all cleaned up the kitchen and left the house before anyone came home. Zöz and I went back to her house. And I spent the night again. And my mother wasn't upset about either instance. Things are changing around here.

Sunday: Bagels! Going to Bagels and Bakes is our new Sunday tradition. They do have fantastic bagels.

Sunday night's rehearsal was not as good as Thursday's. No one was focused. No one had energy. On the plus side, I am getting used to dancing in heels.

A came home and read a short story for TransNat. And went to sleep.

Monday: Class today was boring. People have no idea how to make presentations, still. We didn't talk about the topics I was hoping to in Transnat. And I did not want to sing in Chamber Singers.

But I came home, listened to some music with my scores, and starting working on a new piece, a Cummings' setting, of course.

This time, it's Five Americans. Unfortunately, I was not able to find these poems online. However, I can tell you, that the piece will be scores for string quartet and five female voices. The poems have been combined into a libretto of sorts:

The scoring will begin soon.

***

A racist Facebook invite:

GOOD-ASS HUG!

2010-03-04T02:36:00.000-05:00

What did I do yesterday? Not go to school, if that's what you're thinking.

I felt so sick. I was actually on my way to campus, just about to get on the thruway when I decided to call Zöz. She was home. And I ended up spending my day with her before she had to go to her own rehearsal for the show she's directing. We didn't do anything, though. I slept. Yesterday's were probably the worst of my ills. I had a hard time walking. I had terrible sinus pressure and headaches all day. But I managed to feel well enough to pick Jalissa up before the Union Inn, play cards with her, and then perform a three and a half hour show without taking any breaks. Silly me, I know, but I had already eaten wings before the show, so I didn't have much of a reason to take a break, unless, of course, you count wanting to save my voice as a reason. But I felt good. This served only as an affirmation of my theory that my symptoms have been caused by psychological factors. I feel great when I play. All of my tics go away. I opened with "Buy U A Drank" and these three girls who were sitting at the bar all started dancing. They were so stunned by what they were hearing, but they loved it. Before they left, one of them came up to me and asked for a card. She wants to book me at a party she's throwing in a few weeks. I hope she calls. Most of the time, these people never call me. Either because they forget or because the idea of live music only seems good when they don't have to think about the cost.

"Buy U A Drank"
"Time Of The Season"
"Long Black Veil"
"Hey Ya!" (Matt Weedle Version)
"Like A Rolling Stone"
"Grey Street" [tease] (played on a 12-string)
"Melissa"> (played on a 12-string)
"Outside" (played on a 12-string)
"Little Thing"
"Give Me One Reason">
"Smooth Rider"
"Song No. 3" (“Spoon” outro)
"Billie Jean"
"(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction" [tease] (main riff a few times)
"Hanginaround"
"Blame It"
"Grey Street"
"Mis Hijos"
"Deliverance" [tease]
"Killing Me Softly With His Song"
"What’s Going On"
"Go Away"
"Trouble">
"Crazy Love"
"Stay (Wasting Time)"
"What I Got"
"Human Nature"
"Your Wings"
"Missing" [tease]
"David" (“Hot In Herre” and “I Wanna Love You” interpolations during breakdown)
"The Space Between" [tease]
"Missing"
"I Touch Myself"
"Losing My Religion"
"Song No. 2" (played on a 12-string)
"The Space Between"
"Eight Days A Week"
"Nature Boy"
"Hero" [tease] (Justin sings the first few lines of the chorus)
"Crazy-Good" [tease] (main riff once)
"Summertime Girl" (“Crazy Bitch” interpolation during breakdown)
"Gin And Juice" [tease] (Justin sings chorus once a cappella)
"Happy Birthday To You"
"Happy Birthday To You"
"Deliverance"
"Jumper"
"Meet Virginia"
"You Might Die Trying" [tease] (main riff once)
"Buy U A Drank" [partial]> (Justin raps with a Jamaican accent, skips the last verse)
"Ms. Jackson"
"Island In The Sun"
"Two Step"

***

"Warehouse" (“Louie Louie” interpolation)

My throat is sore, though. That's a combination of all the singing and the sinus pressure/mucus buildup.

***

Today, I did go to school. And I got through all of my classes. I'll tell you what, I don't normally enjoy Copland, but his Piano Variations are quite nice. The compositional construction is exquisite, his mastery of the craft is apparent.

Transnational Literature was only boring because we discuss literary theory, which can be fun to talk about except that I was very tired and was thinking about the essay I need to write for that class. I was working out my thesis for Absalom, Absalom!, doing some rough sketches.

Chamber Singers was okay. But Zöz wasn't there. She ate some nuts accidentally this morning and had a terrible allergic reaction. She took Benadryl, which puts her to sleep instantly and she didn't come to school. So Chamber Singers was kind of boring too. Although I love singing and we're doing some great music this semester.

I went to see Zöz after school. She was feeling much better. But our time was short, she had rehearsal for her show.

And I went to the library to take out some music, movies, and a book.

Then I came home. Started working on my essay. And finished Experimental Psych homework I'd forgotten I had until Nathan text messaged me about going on Facebook chat do the homework together.

And I've been video chatting with Zöz since 11 about classical music: Bartók's fourth string quartet which I made her listen to and my vocal works and how I almost didn't graduate high school (long story, involves the Cummings and the N-word (I can't believe I've never told that story on this blog. Or maybe I have and just didn't bookmark it)). I'm sure I'm boring her, I don't know why we can't have these talks at an earlier time in the day.

POP!

2010-03-02T01:56:00.002-05:00

Zöz came over early yesterday. We had to run lines. It was our first rehearsal without scripts.

But first! We made pizza with Sam. I haven't hung out with Sam in months. She used to go to Oswego, but she transfered to St. Rose and she's living in Troy. So we made pizza, something we used to do when she was in high school (she's two years my junior). But our time together was short, we had to leave a bit early to drive to Crossgates so I could buy a pair of Under Armour spandex shorts for Rocky. I wanted to get a brief-cut, I thought it'd be more appropriate for the Floor Show, but they only had a boxer-cut. No big deal. As long as they look good with the thigh-highs, right?

Rehearsal actually went well. We ran the entire show on the stage we'll be performing it on. And although it had many hiccups and stops to solve crossover and prop issues, I'm feeling much better about the production than I did the rehearsal before.

***

I stayed up too late last night. I was sleepy the entire day, not to mention very sick. But I'll get to that in a minute.

I gave my presentation on Charles Ives in The American Piano. I would say that it went very well, but as Prof. Von Arx put it, we could spend an entire semester on Ives and still not have enough time. So an hour wasn't nearly enough time to get to all that I wanted to cover.

I almost fell asleep several times in Transnational Literature. I finished reading Absalom, Absalom! this morning and we began our weeklong discussion on wrapping up the book and how to write a paper on it. I just doodled in my notebook. I couldn't focus.

I showed up a half hour late to Chamber Singers because I had to eat something. I bought a bread bowl with soup. That took me back to my Purchase days.

And now for an explanation of my illness.

On Wednesday I developed a new tic. Actually, this is a reoccurring tic that hasn't been around for a while but this time morphed into something quite strange. In its normal form, the tic has me swallowing excessively throughout the day. I make an abnormally large amount of saliva when this happens and I have to swallow to get rid of it. But this time, along with the saliva production and the swallowing, I have a quiet throat growl that I have to make to clear my throat. And I can't stop it. In fact, once I get the recording of Filming Ohio's radio interview, I'll probably hear myself growling (trying to make it unnoticeable) in the background. I've had this tic since Wednesday.

On Friday, immediately after the show, I had a terrible stomach ache. This stomach ache hasn't gone away since then. I thought on Saturday that I would go to sleep and wake up Sunday morning without it. This was not the case. I've been functioning normally, though, just in a lot of pain.

And so I've not been able to tell, since Saturday whether not I'm hungry or full, if I should eat something or sit on the toilet. I have no idea how I'm feeling. This poses the problem of either undereating or eating too much. However, it seemed to be that when I ate, the pain would go away. So I took a half hour to get something to eat today when I should have been at Chamber Singers because I couldn't being to think of singing without first trying to relieve myself of my stomach pain.

But it was no use. I got to Zöz' house after school (the first time I'd been there since Valentine's Day) and took a nap in her bed. It was the worst I'd felt since the ache began. Lying on my back, side, stomach, it all felt the same. No relief.

The problem with the whole thing is that I knew it couldn't have been cause by something I'd eaten. I rarely have adverse reactions to food. And being of the psychoanalytic mind, I had the suspicion that it was caused by my own mind. My stomach didn't hurt while I was playing, nor while I gave the presentation this morning.

And so tonight, I had the idea to go online and see what I could find out about my symptoms. WebMD is a wonderful thing, it is. And after clicking on illnesses with stomach ache, stomach distention, and abdominal cramps, "acute stress reaction" came up, among other things. And so, I decided that I would add my excessive saliva production and swallowing to the list of symptoms. "Acute stress reaction" remained on the list. So I decided to do some googling searching and finally came up with something called aerophagia:

Aerophagia (var. aerophagy) is a condition that occurs when a person swallows too much air, which goes to the stomach. It causes abdominal bloating and frequent belching and may cause pain.

Source: Wikipedia

That explains everything. The tic, I am sure, was caused by the terrible amount of stress in my house for the last month. The stomach pain was a result of all the swallowing. The only way to get rid of the pain is to control my stress. Getting rid of tics has never been an easy thing for me. I hate people who crack knuckles. I hate the sound. But I've been cracking my knuckles constantly (a few times every minute, repetitively) for the last four years. I'm sure my hands are deteriorating as a result of this (not a nice prospect if I want to continue to play guitar). I'm not sure what I'll need to do to fix this situation, but I will post my progress. It's something that, if successful, I should be able to apply to the rest of my tics. I'm just hoping that spending less time in my house will do the trick. Who knows how long this tic will last? Hopefully only a few weeks or less.

It's been a long long time and I haven't seen you

2010-02-28T02:18:00.000-05:00

My mother woke me up this morning:

"You need to get up and shovel."

I told her:

"Just a minute."

She woke me up a half hour later:

"Okay, it's time to shovel. Did you know Ryan's dad died?"

"Ryan who?"

"You're friend, Ryan. You should write him an email or something."

"Wow. I will."

But I don't have his email address anymore.

If you're reading this, Ryan, I want to say that I'm sorry for your loss. I guess I never really know what to say in this sort of situation, how to respond to respond to this kind of news. Who does? I hope you and your mom are doing all right.

***

I went with Dad to Crossgates. I bought a tie, a t-shirt (sale price: $5; actual price with tax: $2.01), and a button-up. Then we ate lunch.

***

The family came over to celebrate my Aunt Mary's birthday. Zöz came over too. I wasn't feeling very well, terrible stomach ache, so after dinner we just went into the basement to watch the gold medal curling match and play air hockey and darts. She left a half hour ago.

***

I have never played this song except at the wedding for which it was written. But maybe I'll play it at my Proctor's show.

Let It Burn

2010-02-27T02:52:00.000-05:00

19: Muddy Cup show with Vinny and Will. Sounded awesome and we got a bunch of shows out of it, including the SHS afterprom in May.

20: Kait Van Heusen's surprise 20th birthday party at Expresso Therapy. I played for a little over an hour.

21: Rehearsal for Rocky. Principles only. The cast and the musical director stayed after the directors left to talk about some of the issues we were having with the show. It was decided that I would speak to the cast for rehearsal on Thursday.

22: ?? Really. Neither Cecelia nor I know what we did on Monday.

23: CONCERT ANNOUNCEMENT! Justin Friello will play the GE Theatre in Proctor's Theatre in downtown Schenectady on June 11 at 7:30 PM. For more information, check the Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=324597824935&ref=ts

I also cancelled my performance on the Union Inn. The snow came! And I can't play and the bar can't pay when no one's there.

24: Skipped my first class because of the weather. Had rehearsal with Will for the show on the 26th. Two hours: over 20 songs.

25: Will, Vinny, and I were on UAlbany's radio station to promote the concert on the 26th. Nathan, who was in my Neuroscience class last semester and who I met up with at Caffe Lena in Saratoga recently booked us on his morning program. It was an awesome show. We were running a little late and we had to figure out how to mic all of the instruments ourselves, but everyone who tuned in said it was a great show. We were there for two hours. Will played acoustic guitar and Vinny played djembe. Then I didn't go to Experimental. What an awful class.

Rocky rehearsal. The talk went well and I think people understand how worried we all should be about the status of our production. The rehearsal lasted four and a half hours.

I stayed up until 4 o'clock in the morning working on my presentation on Charles Ives for The American Piano.

26: I woke up at 9 to read over 50 pages of Faulkner. Turns out only two people showed up to The American Piano on Wednesday (the weather) so the assignment got pushed back to today. I'll be giving my presentation on Monday.

The trio rehearsed for a few hours in Vinny's basement (where we had our first rehearsals). Then we scrambled to get all of our stuff together for tonight's show. Needless to say, the show was incredible. Will played bass, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, and keyboard. Vinny played the drums and the djembe. I just stuck to acoustic and 12-string.

"Taste So Good"
"Virtual Insanity" (first time played full band)
"Snake" (Will on electric guitar; “Theme from Doug” interpolation, Justin”)
"Crazy" (Will on electric guitar)
"Bad Stuff" (Will on electric guitar)
"Float On" (first time played full band, Will on electric guitar)
"Buy U A Drank" (Will on electric guitar and talk-box)
"Song With Two Lines" (Will on acoustic guitar, Justin on 12-string)
"No Rain" (Will on acoustic guitar, Justin on 12-string)
"Kiss From A Rose" (first time played full band, Will on keyboard)
"Old News" (Will on electric guitar)
"Jumper" (Will on electric guitar)
"I’ll Be" (first time played, Will on electric guitar)
"If I Say We" (Will on electric guitar)

***

"Song No. 2" (Will on electric guitar, Vinny on djembe)
"Song No. 3" (Will on acoustic guitar, Vinny on djembe, Justin on 12-string)
"Little Thing" (Will on acoustic guitar, Vinny on djembe)
"Human Nature" (first time played full band, Will on keyboard)
"Bye Bye Bye" (Will on electric guitar)
"All Along The Watchtower" (Will on electric guitar)
"The Space Between" (first time played full band, Will on electric guitar)
"Summertime Girl" (Will on electric guitar, “Hot In Herre” breakdown)

We sold a couple CDs and definitely had a ton of fun playing. I'd like to do more shows as a trio. We can try things we wouldn't normally be able to do in a performance with the full band. Although, it is strange not having Josh and Aden to solo. I actually took two solos tonight. I never take solos (I think I'm terrible at it, but I've been practicing).

***

I miss Zöz.

Happy Birthday, Zöz!

2010-02-19T01:58:00.001-05:00

Yes, today was Zöz' birthday. She turned 20 at 3:19 this morning. I stayed on Skype with her as she slept in order to wake her up just in time for her to watch the clock change in order to say she was really 20 now.

I finished my report for Music Since 1900 this morning. Then I drove to school to sit through the class to turn in it in and to take a test in Experimental Psych.

I met up at 3:00 with a student named Tim, who is also in Music Since 1900 and Chamber Singers with me so we could have a sectional which two other basses were supposed to attend but did not, so we ran through our repertoire quickly and got out by quarter of 4.

I had told Zöz to meet me at school by the time I knew I was going to finish up with the sectional so I could take her out to dinner for her birthday. We'd been talking for some time about getting sushi together, so I took her to my favorite spot in the area, the one that Hannah Yetwin first introduced me to, Hana. Cecelia was nervous because she is allergic to soy. Soy sauce being a major component in many of the sauces over the top of the sushi rolls, she was terribly worried about eating anything. So I talked with the man who was preparing our food and told him about Cecelia's situation and she assured us that no sauces with soy would be used on her food. In fact, because we were sitting at the sushi bar, we chatted with him throughout the entire meal about allergies and strange situations he's encountered while working at the restaurant, the climate of the Northeast in comparison to his home country of China, and about how he never finished high school. I gave him an extra tip in addition to the tip I left for our waitress.

It was a meal that was too soon over.

6 o'clock: rehearsal. But of course, no one showed up on time. We started at 6:45. Tonight was better. Things aren't where they should be, and I'm still not offbook (nor is Zöz or anyone) for Act II, something that I will gave to accomplish by next week's rehearsal as our show is in a month from today, Friday), but I'm getting the feeling that we might be able to pull this thing off somehow. We didn't get out until 10:00.

Zöz didn't want to go home. So she followed me in her car to Wal-Mart. I had to buy CD-Rs to burn copies of a Filming Ohio compilation to sell at the Battle of the Bands that Will, Vinny, and I are playing at tomorrow evening at 4:50PM in the Muddy Cup in Proctor's Theatre as part of downtown Schenectady's monthly Art Night. It's the first dhow Filming Ohio has played since the Winter Break. And although the horns won't be there, I know that we'll take home the top prize. Yes, I said that we'd never do another BOTB, but this seems to be a tiny competition, nothing too major, although the top prize is some studio time. I was notified on Tuesday about performing and the three of us wont have any time to rehearse before we play. But that seems to be the case most of the time, so we'll make do with what little time we'll have before the contest.

So we parted ways. And I came back to burn CDs and to comtinue reading Absalom, Absalom! for Transnational Literature. I really do like the book, but I'm not sure what I'd do without the class discussions. They really help to clarify everything.

***

What a busy weekend I have ahead of me.

***

Here are the pictures of our Valentine's Day weekend at her house (the 13th):

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2029079&id=1374420084&ref=nf

Happy Birthday, Zöz!

2010-02-18T02:24:00.000-05:00

Thursday: Skipped Experimental. Rehearsal: Better.

Friday: Skipped all of my classes to work on my gift to Cecelia. Spent an hour with her around 9 but then went home to work on the project. Stayed up all night working.

Saturday: Didn't go to sleep at all. Drove to Zöz' house at 10:00 AM and then went to sleep. My early birthday present to Cecelia (it's actually today, the 18th) was to cook her dinner. The menu?

1st Course:
Antipasto with Assorted Olives and Cheeses

2nd Course:
Spicy Scallops over Mixed Greens with Balsamic Vinaigrette

3rd Course:
Pan-Fried Steak with Carmelized Onions and Brussel Sprouts

I must say. It was the best meal I've ever cooked. Zöz was really impressed.

We had to drop off my car at the garage for an oil change that night. So she drove me back to her house and I spent the night. Her parents were in Maine. I stayed up until 4 working on her gift at her house while she slept. It was worth it.

Sunday: Woke up early because Zöz was giving me her gift. It was a surprise trip to somewhere. But I already knew where were going. But before we left, I gave her hers (pictures to come).

She loves it.

We drove to the Poughkeepsie train station and rode toward the City. What we were doing in the city, I had no idea.

But I figured that out too. We arrived at Grand Central and then learned to read the subway map which got us to our destination. MoMA! They had an awesome architecture exhibit. The only trouble was, we got there close to 3 o'clock, and they close and 6, so we didn't have time to get through all 6 floors. But I was happy to see the Orozco whale skeleton and some Rothko paintings:

After MoMA we needed to figure out where to go for dinner. And I had just the place. The Carnegie Deli! I had never eaten there during my two years at Purchase, so this seemed to be the perfect time. I called Jalissa to get her to look up the address and we ended up walking about about 30 minutes to figure out how to get there. But it was worth the trip. I ordered the Woddy Allen: Pastrami and Corned Beef on Rye and some potato salad, and Zöz ordered a combo sandwich with turkey, corned beef, coleslaw and swiss cheese:

And then we got to paying the bill and we realized they don't take any credit cards and Zöz had no money on her. So after a few minutes of freaking out, I ran to an ATM, withdrew a bunch of money and paid for dinner. And I thought we'd have to wash dishes for a minute.

It took us 80 minutes to get back to Grand Central. Neither one of us knows how to navigate the City's streets.

And we drove home. Or rather, I drove home. Zöz was too tired to drive her car.

I wanted to spend the night at her house. But things didn't really work out the way we hoped they would. 'Nuff said.

It was the best Valentine's Day that either one of us had ever had. And I'm so glad we were able to share that time together.

Monday: No class. President's day. Zöz spent the evening here and we watched the Olympics before she went back to her house.

Tuesday: No class. Jalissa, Ebony, and I hung out and played Monopoly before we left for the Union Inn. Cecelia came later, around 10:30. Great show. After we dropped the girls off, Cecelia drove back to my house and we talked in her car parked on the street. I hadn't seen her all day.

Today: First day of classes since Thursday (my doing). It was okay. It's just dificult to get back into the swing of things.

Mom and I ate dinner at Uncle Paul's house.

And now I'm not working on the paper for Music Since 1900 that I should be working on. It's half done and I want to finish it in the morning. But I know I should do more of it tonight.

It's just that Zöz and I have been Skyping for the past few hours, screen-sharing and watching the movies I made in high school.

I'll finish soon. I'm going to leave part of it for the morning anyway. I have I test in Experimental I should study for. So many things to not want to be doing.

3 years ago

2010-02-11T01:20:00.007-05:00

Super Bowl was weird. I went with Dad to a friend-of-his' house only a few blocks away from where Cecelia lives. I made an enormous bowl of guacamole, even better than the guac I made with Hannah. It was funny to watch Rich (dad's friend) and his wife be amazed that I cook at all. I guess it's a little strange for me to be as good at it as I am. At halftime, I went to Zöz' house, but I ended up staying longer than I meant to: the rest of the game. It was probably better that way, anyhow. I couldn't listen to Dad's friends talk about the light of God any longer.

Monday's classes:

I'm reading Abalom, Absalom! for Transnational Literature. I've never read anything like it before. But I'm starting to get the hang of Faulkner's style and it's function. In fact, I seem to be one of the few people in the class (at least from what I can tell from class discussion) who is connecting form and function in the novel. I really do enjoy reading the book, but I have to put my full concentration into it.

I can't stand people who give a presentation to the class by the reading the report they wrote directly from the page. That's not a presentation. And by college you should know that.

Tuesday's classes:

We had a great discussion in Music Since 1900 about the music business of today as it relates to the classical music scene during WWI. Someone actually said (and I'm paraphrasing)

I think that an artist today should think about what's mainstream and play toward that audience and then he can do whatever he wants after he gets popular.

I had to jump in the conversation and shut him down. I think we all can see what's wrong with that statement, so I'm not going to bother with explaining it. And if you don't understand the thousand terrible things that statement implies about current tastes and trends in popular music , then you don't deserve to get an explanation.

Experimental Psych is still terrible. I really hope that most of the students in that class don't go on to pursue careers in the psychological fields. The future of research and clinical work doesn't look so bright.

(The Union Inn show last night was pretty strange. It was busy, and then not busy, and then most of the regulars left and business came to a halt, but I was still playing and then these three guys in the twenties came in around 11:00 so I kept playing because they were really into it—I made most of my tips from them, one of them throwing in a twenty—and I got the most applause of the entire night after 11 o'clock, weird right?, when the guys were really into all the hip hop covers I was playing. I was going to end at 11 but the guys were really into it so I played a full three hours. That's what I'm getting paid for, anyway.)

Today's classes:

More terrible presentations in The American Piano. After class, professor Von Arx told me that I should present my report on Cowell to the college and the annual student symposium. I'm thinking about it. But I'd also like to present my paper that I wrote back at Purchase about my case study on Poe's Narrator in The Black Cat.

Transnational Literature was actually fun today. I participated in the conversation. I had quite a bit to say. And after talking to the professor after class about my disappearing online discussion posts (which are required) she said that my replies on BlackBoard had been "very wise" and that I had done a "good job" is class today. Fun.

Josh Tanis, freshman musical director of Rocky, filled in for Dr. Janower as the director of Chamber Singers this afternoon. It was a very productive rehearsal.

***

I went for dinner tonight with Zöz at the Point Cafe in Schenectady as a continuation of our tour of the good diners of the area. I went to school with the owner's son. And they serve excellent Mexican food. (They're Mexican themselves.) So we ordered Mexican.

Then we went back to her house to run lines. I'm not used to not having rehearsal five days a week, so this one-day-a-week thing is really difficult for me and certainly isn't conducive to my learning blocking and lines. However, both Zöz and I are completely off-book for Act I (good thing, too: the show is 5 weeks away). But we need to learn all of Act II my next week. That isn't something the directors have told us. That's just a personal goal.

Then we sat on a love seat and watched TV. Then, shut the TV off and had a pretty heavy conversation for the next two hours complete with tears. But we're closer with every drop.

***

Turns out the February 11th was both the anniversary of me and Madison and Cecelia and her last boyfriend. Hmm.

I'm just getting my Bieber on

2010-02-07T14:28:00.000-05:00

What a day we had yesterday. Getting up early to go to the Shalimar lunch buffet is always a good idea. Zöz had never eaten there before and I was excited to share the meal with her. She told me that it was the best Indian food she'd ever eaten. We didn't need to eat for the rest of the day.

As it was very cold out, we decided to skip the Troy Farmer's market and go right to Saratoga. Cecelia's mom was playing in a benefit for Caffè Lena that night, so we decided to make a day out of it. Our first stop was Border's. We spent about 90 minutes in there and I bought a book that I needed for Transnational Literature. And because we were both thirsty from lunch, we made our way over the the Border's equivalent of the B&N Starbucks so Zöz could get a milkshake. I went to the magazines and pulled out the latest issues of French Vogue, Wallpaper, Cosmo, and Bop (Oh my God, guys, Justin Bieber is so dreamy). And so we learned the 8 ways to Justin Bieber's heart and the different ways to please your man (down there!) and found a model who actually had a cute face.

Our next stop was the pizza place on Broadway to get me something to drink. Peach Snapple Iced Tea.

And then the guitar shop. Oh Taylor, why must you make your guitars so beautiful and simultaneously so expensive? They had a guitar from the 800 series for $10,000 and a 900 series for only $3,000. I'm saving my money, yes. I played the 914ce. I didn't want to put it down.

The only other food we ate for the rest of the day was a raspberry mousse with a raspberry coulis from a french bakery. Definitely one of the tastiest deserts I've had in my life.

We tried to spent little time outside, as our ears, noses, and lips would numb.

Finally, the night came to a close and we walked to Caffè Lena for the concert. Zöz' mom did a great job, but I have to admit, this woman, Thomasina Winslow, really killed it on stage. It was strange because when I walked in, I saw this kid who was in my Neuroscience class last semester and who is in my Experimental Psych class this semester. We chatted for a little bit and he introduced me to his godmother who was at his side. During intermission we found each other again and then said that his mother was Thomasina Winslow. I had heard her play on RPI's radio station. I was tuning in because Cecelia's mother and a couple of other ladies from the show were promoting their concert. She was incredible on the radio and she was even better live. And she can play a mean slide guitar.

The entire concert was great.

We made our way back to the car and drove home listening to very loud music.

I'm updating from her house. I spent the night here.

Justin, you can't just go away for weeks at a time.

2010-02-06T03:48:00.004-05:00

I know, I know. But trust me when I tell you that I've been very very busy. And really, I haven't been home much. I've spent most of my time at Zöz' house. I won't go through a complete schedule of events, but allow me to highlight the week.

Classes are going well.

Pre-sale for the DMB summer tour began on January 28th at 6PM. I requested tickets for two nights at SPAC, two nights in Camden, two nights at Alpine (Wisconsin), and one night at Bethel Woods. It's gonna be a lot of money, I know. But if I get all the shows I wanted, it'll definitely be a fantastic summer.

We had our first rehearsal for Rocky Horror that night. Things aren't looking so great. We got a new Frank, though.

I was also supposed to go to the chicken spot with Ebony and Jalissa Friday night, but ended up having dinner with Hannah and Zöz. It's really been wonderful. We've been lucky enough to have seen each other every day for a few weeks now. There was nothing to do. We made guacamole and steak fajitas with rice and beans. Probably the best dinner I'd had in a really long time. I went to Zöz's house after that. I've been coming home around 1 and 2 in the morning consistently. It's not that I don't like being at home, but I'd rather be somewhere else more.

Can't remember what happened Saturday.

Sunday was weird. I got called by Zöz to ask me if I'd go with her to solicit donations form local business to support the show. I was asleep. In the afternoon, I told her I'd meet her in Rotterdam, but when I got to the location, she had already left with Josh Tanis to go to Crossgates, so I drove there for nothing. After I had woken up, I got a phone call from dad who told me he'd already booked a court time. I obviously couldn't make that because I thought I'd be driving around with Zöz. When I got back, I called him. He said not to worry about seeing him. He'd cancelled the court time. This was very frustrating. I ended up driving to Albany for a vocal rehearsal with the cast later that evening. Cecelia came back to my house to watch the GRAMMYs. I was not surprisingly disappointed that DMB was not recognized for their achievements this year. I mean that I was not surprised that they weren't given any awards. Beyoncé's performance was great. And Taylor Swift should learn how to sing before she wins any more awards. So this is what music has come to, I see. Well, I guess I'll have to change that.

Stephen Colbert mentioned Schenectady in his interview with Harold Ford Jr. on Monday. It'd be great if Stephen ever actually visited. (Skip to 5:07.)

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Harold Ford Jr.

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Economy

Monday: Class. Zöz.
Tuesday: Class. Union Inn (Zöz was there).
Wednesday: Class. Zöz.
Thursday: Presentation on Alban Berg in Music Since 1900. Everyone really enjoyed it. Experimental psych sucks. Zöz. Rehearsal. Zöz.
Today: Presentation on Henry Cowell in The American Piano. I had lots of fun with this one. Definitely a topic I was excited about. And again, everyone seemed to enjoy it, including Professor Von Arx who told me I did an excellent job. After class, I waited for Cecelia to get out of class. I went over to her house for about an hour. She was leaving to spend the evening with her mom. So I hung out with Jalissa and Ebony while she was busy. The three of us went to the chicken spot. Yes, the chicken spot. Royal Fried Chicken on the corner of Brandywine Ave. and Albany St. Not the greatest part of town at all. But I guess that's why the food was so good. We ate and played board games then I texted Zöz and told her to come to the house when she got out of the show.

The three of us hung out until 3 in the morning. I can't tell you enough how grateful I am that Cecelia gets along and enjoys hanging our with my friends. It was a night that I won't forget for a very long time.

I've really got to start posting again. I started out the year so well. I can't remember a week into the past. I have to rely on Twitter posts and Facebook statuses to remind me.

Justin, where the hell have you been?

2010-01-28T01:26:00.000-05:00

There's no simple answer to that question.

Trying to think back a week to last Tuesday will be difficult but I'll try my best.

***

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

It was the last day of Winter Vacation. Zöz came over early in the morning and I cooked her breakfast. No one was home because both Mom and Gary were at work. We ate breakfast and then took a nap.

I joined the Friendly's crew for Wings and Rings and the board games before the Union Inn. It was the last Union Inn show before show had to go back to Potsdam. His girlfriend was there and Zöz came too with a friend from Russell Sage (the college she attended before transferring to UA). I think it's safe to say that it was a damn good show. My voice hadn't fully recovered, but I still sang my little heart out.

***

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

First day of classes. And I didn't have to wake up until 11 o'clock.

12:35-1:30: The American Piano
1:40-2:35: Transnational Literature
2:45-4:05: Chamber Singers

I'm really happy to be in music classes again. It was difficult to have been taking so many psychology courses last semester. I'm back in my comfort zone. The only class I was concerned about in Wednesday was Transnational Literature. It's a lot of reading and a lot of writing. Not that I'm not good at either of those things, but I didn't have to write a single paper last semester. And I'm still not entirely sure what that class is about. We'll see.

My chamber singers audition (not really an audition just a let-me-hear-how-you-soundition went terribly. I had no voice from singing at the Union Inn the night before plus I wasn't feeling all that great to begin with. However, I did request that I be moved to the bass section. He said that I didn't sound like a tenor. What a relief.

As a foreword: for all of the days I'm covering in this post, I saw Zöz for most of the evening.

On wednesday night, we took a drive around the area ending up once again in Scotia and the Stockade. They're nice places to hang out at night.

***

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Second day of classes. And I didn't have to wake up until 10 o'clock.

11:45-1:05: Music Since 1900
1:15-2:35: Experimental Psychology

Music since 1900 (especially music post-WWII) is my specialty. It's gonna be awesome. Plus, the textbook is Alex Ross' The Rest Is Noise, a book which for some time I've wanted to read. Now I have to.

Experimental Psych is gonna suck. Tons of material I already know and have covered in other classes. But it's a requirement for the major.

I spoke to my dad on the phone about some big concert news that is in the works. I can't really
spill the beans just yet about it. But it's going to be a solo show in Schenectady at one of the best venues in the Capital District.

***

Friday, January 22, 2010

Friday really began all of the troubles. Again, I can't really give a simple explanation. And I don't really want to share with you all (any, really) of the details as to what happened. But I had a two and a half hour conversation with my mom in my car in a Barnes & Noble parking lot after she got out of work at 6:15.

And then I spent the night at Cecelia's house.

I don't think there is a greater feeling than waking up next to someone you really care about.

***

Saturday, January 23, 2010

My anxiety was mounting. I came home briefly to take a shower and change clothes before going out again to pick up Zöz. We had to drive to Albany to Mary Jane Books so I could pick up something for Transnational Lit. 40 bucks.

On our way back to Schenectady, I called Ferrari's to make reservations. Unfortunately, they were not taking reservations for parties of 2. They only had one room open because of a few big parties that had been booked. But we drove to the restaurant anyway, knowing we would have to wait an hour to get a table. It wasn't that bad, waiting, that is. Zöz and I whispered to each other in the crowded waiting room about all of the terrible outfits and strange people that pass in and out of the restaurant in the hour that we were standing shoulder to shoulder next to the other hungry people. It's amazing how frustrated people get. Jeez, we all have to wait. What makes you think you're gonna get your table any faster just because you complain to the hostess?

We ate a delicious meal. Zöz had never been there before and was surprised at how much food we were presented with. Of course there's the Italian bread and the garlic bread. Small salads. The antipasto we ordered (the same one that Dad and I ordered on Christmas Eve) plus the huge portions of the main courses (Chicken Parm for me, Eggplant Parm for her) and the the big side dish of pasta that comes with them. They didn't surprise me at all. I'm Italian. I'm used to it. She's got no Italian blood in her at all (she's a very pale girl). After the meal, we went back to her place for a few hours and then said our goodbyes. I think it was close to 2:30 in the morning when I walked through the door of my house.

***

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Again, no details. But I had to cancel racquetball and dinner plans with dad. I haven't felt shittier in a really long time. My anxiety has been really well controlled these last few months. I attribute that to my happiness with school and having a girlfriend.

Yes, Cecelia hung out again for most of the night. We both had a lot of work to do. When I opened the book that I bought at Mary Jane's I found that most of the type was illegible. It's funny because the word "illegible" is one that is usually used to describe handwriting. But in the case of this printing of Harriet Beecher Stowe's The Pearl Of Orr's Island, "illegible" becomes particularly apropos:

I didn't finish my work until close to 4 in the morning. It was just a bunch of reading. Somehow I made it through that terrible terrible book. (I finished the rest of my homework Monday morning before class.)

***

Monday, January 25, 2010

Classes got better. I was finally in the swing of things.

I had been reading the inside cover of Pearl and found this lovely note:

How We Made This Book
We automated the typing, proof reading and design of the book using Optical Character Recognition (OCR) software on a scanned copy of the original rare book. That allowed us to keep your cost as low as possible.
If the book is very old, worn and the type is faded, this can result in a lot of typos or missing text. This is also why our books don't contain illustrations; the OCR software can't distinguish between an illustration and a smudge.
We understand how annoying typos, missing text, of illustrations can be. That's why we provide a free copy of most books as they were originally published. Simply go to our website (www.general-books.net) to check availability. And we provide a free trail membership in our book club so you can get free copies of other editions or related books.
OCR is not a perfect solution but we feel it's more important to make the book available for a low price than not at all. So we warn readers on our website and in the descriptions we provide to book sellers that our books don't have illustrations and may have typos or missing text. WE also provide excerpts from each book to book sellers and on our website so you can preview the quality the book before buying.
If you would prefer than we manually type, proof read and design your book so that it's perfect, we are happy to do that. Simply contact us via our website for the cost.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty:
The publisher and author make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the book. The advice and strategies in the book may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. THe publisher is not liable for any damage resulting form the book.
Please keep in mind that the book was written long ago.; the information is not current. Furthermore, there may be typos, missing text or illustration explained above.

The second part confuses me.

In any case, we are able to return the book for a full refund.

Chamber Singers is going very well. Dr. Janower is a remarkable conductor and I'm glad to be singing under him again. Zöz auditioned for the class and got in, so we'll be seeing each other even more often, if that's possible. We drove to Mary Jane books again because I had to buy another different book to fill the place of Stowe. Shucks...

I went to Cecelia's house at 10 o'clock at night and didn't come back until 1:00. It was nice.

***

Tuesday, January 25, 2010

Class, of course. I went to Zöz' house afterwards with all my equipment in the car anticipating going to the Union straight from Rotterdam. However, I left there a little bit early, picked up Jalissa and came back to my house so I could change strings and make a set list.

Ebony and Cecelia met us at the Union Inn and I actually had a really great show. My voice in back in full effect and all the regulars were there. Mark and Joe, Kelly and John. It was John Paul's birthday (different John). Everyone was there. It feels like home.

Dave Matthews Band summer tour dates came out last night. I'm hoping to hit up at least 5 shows this year.

***

Wednesday, January 26, 2010

That's today! Finally, we're here. College continues to be pleasant. Would I rather be performing? Yes. But am I happy just to be out of the house.

After class, I ran lines at her Cecelia's place for an hour. (We found out today another main actress can't do the show because of the bullshit between within SUNY theatre department. It's not her fault, it's the fault of another director she's working under who told her she'd have to choose between his show and Rocky and then chose his own show for her.) I left only because I had a court time with Dad for racquetball. I'm not out of shape, I just tire easily.

I met back up with Zöz at 8:30 and we went out for dinner. Breakfast food at the Tops diner. Breakfast is good all night long.

I can't say enough how happy I am to have found her and to have found the courage to tell her how I feel. I think I've written this before: We're both pretty fucked up. We're perfect for each other. I actually said that to my mom in the car in the B&N parking lot.

After diner, we went back to her house and talked for a while. Then we took a quick nap.

And I came home.

***

I'd like to link you to this post I made almost one year ago. There are a few quotes that still hit home for me: http://justinfriello.blogspot.com/2009/02/hello-cruel-world.html

***

What a week it's been. I would like to call it the happiest and most devastating week of my life. But I'm sure there have been worse times in my life. There have probably been happier ones, too, but I'd be hard-pressed to think of them.

I feel like I'm not good at meeting people

2010-01-19T01:16:00.001-05:00

Last night, before the blog post, I retuned my baritone guitar to play the bassline I've had in mind for "Go Away". I decided that if I wasn't doing anything today, I would at least record another song for the album.

So I did. I woke up around 1, eat breakfast, shoveled, and got to work on the new recording.

And in only five hours, I produced the latest completed track off of the new album (due out in the Spring of this year.)

And what else did I do tonight? Signed up for another class. That's right! I've been putting off everything to do with school until the very last moment. That starts Wednesday, so I'm making the most of my final days of vacation.

Homemade chicken tenders for dinner.

Cecelia dropped her phone in the bathtub. So we're chatting on Facebook Chat and AIM. I don't use AIM anymore. Not unless it's to talk to Hannah. I don't talk to too many folks these days.

Tomorrow is the last day of vacation. And I've got so (too) many things planned. Another semester is almost upon me. Fuck.

Icicle Fingers… Mmm

2010-01-18T03:16:00.003-05:00

After waking up many many times since the alarm went off at 10:00 AM (I set it, I wanted to get up early, but couldn't do it when the moment hit), I finally took a shower and was ready to attack the day at 2 o'clock.

At 2:30 I got a pizza with Dad in Rotterdam. Got my car washed. And then came home for 20 minutes to play one game of Mario Kart 64 before leaving again to pick up Zöz.

We didn't really have a plan. Most things are closed on Sunday nights. But I started driving. We ended up at Barnes & Noble in Mohawk Commons. After an hour of looking through PostSecret books for postcards people might have left for us to find, recommending books to each other to read, and chasing Cecelia around the aisles reading Best Lesbian Erotica aloud, we left the store and drove around town for another 25 minutes before pulling into the Union College campus to decide what our next move would be.

We ordered dinner at the Blue Ribbon Diner (for Zöz it was breakfast food) and talked about some important issues, namely the situation with her ex-boyfriend. (It's not appropriate for me to write about that sort of thing, just know that any issues I had were resolved.)

And then I took her home. Or so I thought I would.

I instead decided to pull into an empty parking lot downtown. We shared secrets.

Her dad had her mom call her to tell her it was snowing. We knew that. But that meant it was time for me to bring her home.

That was six hours ago. We've been texting back and forth for the last hour and 15 minutes and at 2:10 AM I received this message:

I'm so glad I found you

That's a text I'll be keeping for while.

***

2010: still going strong.

***

Also, a reminder to follow the Fluorescent Sounds Music Festival blog at http://www.fsmusicfestival.blogspot.com/. The updates won't be as frequent as the ones here, but there's a lot going on and I want all of you who are interested to be able to read what's going on behind the scenes.

Starting To Worry

2010-01-17T03:42:00.000-05:00

3:15 PM. I'm disappointed in myself. I only had four days left of vacation. And I slept well into the afternoon.

When I finally did get up, I moseyed on downstairs and ate some breakfast. I messaged Zöz because I hadn't heard from her yesterday and I wanted to hang out tonight. But after a quick exchange of messages, my phone was silent again.

Anywho…

The family came over tonight for dinner and to celebrate Jason's birthday. Dinner was great. We actually cooked out on the grill. The weather was that (relatively) nice. Then we moved the party down to the basement with the air hockey table and the slot machine. And we stayed down there for the rest of the night.

It was a boring day. I still can't sing but my cough is going away. Not much to update.

Three days left and I hope something exciting happens.

The Past Two Days

2010-01-16T03:58:00.000-05:00

Thursday started out early.

I picked up Josh at 9:45 in the morning and we drove to Saratoga to meet Katrina for breakfast. I can't believe I ate two huge bagels, both with cream cheese. If you don't know by now, you should know that a bagel and cream cheese is my favorite breakfast. Then we walked around Broadway and handed out CDs to different bars and restaurants in hopes that they will book us in the future.

That lasted a few hours.

Then we drove back to Schenectady and I called Jalissa and Ebony to discuss the night's plans. It was perhaps our last meeting of the Board Game Crew until Spring Break. Jalissa was waiting to hear from Temple University if she was going to receive the financial aid package she would need to be attending college this semester. (As it turns out she did not. But she found that out this morning.) So it was board games and Wings and Rings and then back to my house to watch Grey's Anatomy. I was falling asleep on the way home and I was driving. Never good. So I stayed in one room watching 30 Rock as the girls was in the living room with my mom watching their show. I joined them for the last half hour.

After I dropped them off, I decided I would text Zöz. 10:05 at night. So I pulled into the Ellis hospital parking lot and waited for a reply. "Wanna go on an adventure?" I wrote. "To where?" she replied. "I don't know yet." "Okay, just try to get me home before midnight".

I picked her up (I didn't get lost this time) and we drove back to my house because I had forgotten something. She stayed in the car. As I emerged from the basement with a big purple sled, my mother whispered loudly: "Uh, where are you going?" And so I had to explain to her the adventure. As much as she didn't understand she said, "Just pull my car in the driveway when you get back."

And so we drove to Scotia to the hills at Collins Park and figured out how to sleighride with the hills only three-quarters covered in snow. It worked just fine. And as you may have guessed, I didn't bring her out into the night just to go sledding.

After Scotia, we drove to Central Park in Schenectady. And then I realized Central Park is dangerous at night. So I turned around and told her "We're going to my favorite spot."

I parked at the bottom of the hill of North Street in the Stockade. And we walked up the street to my old house. I looked at it and could remember its colors, although the streelights bathed everything in an orange-yellow haze. I saw the chipping paint and the house's unkempt appearance. "This was my house," I told Cecelia. And I remembered how good the façade used to look. And I remembered all of the things onw might remember upon revisiting his place of youth. I grew up there and now it belonged to someone else. They are walking on my floors. Looking out my windows. It's not their house at all.

In the summer of 2007, I visited my house and even walked into the backyard in the afternoon, in daylight. I still felt ownership. I walked around to the back, going through Riverside Park, past the basketball courts to the chain link fence that separated my backyard from the rest of the park and I stared at the Cherry Blossom tree which was in full bloom. It had been four years since I moved out and the tree was taller than ever. And I cried. It was so beautiful.

Last night I walked around to the back, going through Riverside Park, past the basketball courts to the chain link fence that separated my backyard from the rest of the park and I stared at the Cherry Blossom tree and the three story house and its back porches that were once mine (that are still mine) and I held back the tears that were dying to come out, kept my mouth and voice from shaking and I told Cecelia, "I'm sorry." I didn't want to cry in front of her. I didn't know that this visit would have such a powerful effect on me.

As much as I visit the Stockade (Josh lives there) I rarely make the trip a few blocks away to visit North Street. It had been over two years since I last visited my home. Really looked at it. And remembered. My heart is in that house.

After the brief trip back to my childhood, we walked to the cannon and circumvented the preventative fence that blocks you from walking on the ledge overlooking the Mohawk River. It was completely frozen. Gigantic tiles of ice were piled on top of each other as the current has stacked them against the banks of the river. It appeared as though we could have walked right across the river to the island on the other side. And we stood there for a long time. She told me about her mother's old home in Minnesota and how this river reminded her of the source of the Mississippi. It was the only part of traveling there she liked. Now that's been taken away, as the house has since ben sold. She said that the Mohawk was beautiful.

There aren't many times that I think nature is worth looking at. I don't really like the flowers in the springtime or the leaves on the trees in Fall. But I do like the frozen Mohawk river at midnight in the Winter. No one was around. I like my Cherry Blossom Tree with no flowers budding in sub-zero weather. These things are more real when the sunlight isn't there to corrupt their beauty. "Here, look at this!", the sun says. As if I can only view these things when its convenient for the sun. How selfish. But on my time, the tree and the river are things to behold.

We left the Stockade at 12:30 in the morning and I drove her back to her house. I didn't want her to go.

I came home, watched the episode of 30 Rock I recorded and went to sleep.

***

I picked up Kendra at 1 o'clock this afternoon and we went to Barnes and Noble for Starbucks. We hadn't seen each other since the start of last semester. 4 months. We don't really do a lot of catching up. Yes, sure, what classes are you taking this semester? so who's this girl? when do you have to go back? We looked through magazines, drank cold coffee-based beverages and talked about Lady Gaga, Purchase, oh my god those boots, I hate kids, what the hell do you need bookends for?, ’90s music. It was pretty cool.

When I got home, I got to work on creating websites for the festival. And so now, for your pleasure, here are the links to all of the websites we now have:

http://fsmusicfestival.blogspot.com/
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fluorescent-Sounds-Music-Festival/252489328020
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=248436163039&ref=mf
http://twitter.com/fsmusicfestival
http://www.myspace.com/fsmusicfestival

So you're a member of any of these websites, please join and promote the festival.

***

We visited Josh, Jason, and Uncle tonight for pizza. I had to leave before the pizza arrived because I had a racquetball court time with my father at 8 o'clock. That lasted an hour, and then I drove back to their house and we all played the Wii. The Wii is really tiring. It's that boxing. I wish I had my inhaler with me.

We left at midnight. Late nights with the family are always fun. And now that Jason's home (he had to spend part of his break at school for work) it's like old times.

***

2010 is turning out to be a pretty good year.

Fluorescent Sounds Music Festival

2010-01-15T04:19:00.000-05:00

We've finally launched our blog for the music festival. I'll be able to give more detailed accounts of the goings-on behind the scenes there and won't bore you here.

http://fsmusicfestival.blogspot.com/

And then there's the—

2010-01-13T23:22:00.000-05:00

I got up much earlier today. 11:45 to make pie crust for quiches for lunch at my house with Zöz.

She arrived at 1:30 and we left Schenectady to do a little grocery shopping. Mushrooms, onions, gruyere, fresh herbs.

It took a little bit longer than I anticipated, though. Zöz ruined the crusts. Actually, that's just what I told her I'd tell people. I wasn't paying attention and burnt and crumbled one of the crusts during the blind bake. The other one turned out just fine. Although, with only one mini-quiche to be made, I had to use up the rest of the ingredients, so I made an omelette. A huge one. The most delicious omelette I've ever had. The quiche was just okay. Shoulda stuck with the omelettes.

After lunch/dinner (it was 5:00 by then) we just sat on the living room and talked. About a lot of things. It's been a long time since I've felt this way about another person. It's about time Justin was in a relationship again. I've finally got my shit together after a few heavy bouts with depression. And I've had a hard time finding friends that I could really connect with. 2009 wasn't the greatest of years. But 2010 is looking up! And I've met someone that I'd like to share this year with.

***

Very very soft. That's what I'll remember about it. Very soft.

Up in my bedroom

2010-01-13T01:20:00.000-05:00

Would you believe that I woke up at 4:45 PM today?

In my last week of vacation. An entire day. Gone. Spent sleeping. Oh, but I needed it, though. Didn't get to sleep until 5:00 in the morning.

So I got up. Took a shower. Got dressed. Drank some orange and made a sandwich and tea and a setlist for tonight's show and restrung my guitar.

What a day.

It was a slow night at the Union Inn. Which isn't always a bad thing as long as the right pewople are there. Santa Claus (a regular) happened to stop in tonight and threw us some money in the tip jar. Other than that, no applause most of the time. And after "The Wizard", the entire bar was dead silent. No one was even talking. The most awkward moment we'd ever experienced at the bar. My voice is still recovering, but I sucked on lozenges while singing and brought some "Sore Throat Soother" tea with me. And no wings. I did not eat wings tonight. A part of me is missing.

"Song No. 2" (short instrumental intro, first time played as an opener)
"Wasting Time"
"Pinch Me"
"Lean On My Heart"
"Where Are You Going"
"Semi-Charmed Life"
"Superman"
"Losing My Religion"
"Buy U A Drank" (slow version)

***

"Deliverance">
"Ms. Jackson"
"#66"> (one verse)
"The Wizard" (played ½ step down)
"I Touch Myself"
"Kiss Me"
"Go Away"
"I’m Yours"
"What I Got"
"Yellow"
"Waterfalls"

***

"Replay"
"Return Of The Mack"
"No Such Thing"
"Bye Bye Bye"
"Everyday">
"Cecilia" (first time played)
"Clocks"
"Grey Street"
"Short Skirt/Long Jacket"
"Wonderwall"

*** (encore played because Santa Claus put more money in the tip jar, he wanted to hear 4 more songs)

"Give Me One Reason"
"Hanginaround"
"Trouble"
"Hey Girl" (first time played)

Maybe Zöz will want to do something tomorrow.

Inertia is a property of matter

2010-01-12T03:11:00.001-05:00

I have never had patience. No, not for one moment in my entire life have I been patient. Why wait for things I could just have now? But it looks like patience is the name of the game these days. And this old dog might have to learn himself some new tricks.

***

I got three and a half hours of sleep and woke up this morning at 7:30 to be ready by 8:30 to leave for Sean's house in Connecticut two and a half hours away. I got there earlier than I expected (with the help of Garmin) and Sean and I chatted for a bit while waiting for Charlie.

The day wasn't all work. We did stop frequently to look up strange things on the internet and we took a break for dinner.

By the time I left at 10:00 PM, we'd figured out all of the programs for the eight concerts we're holding on Purchase's and Albany's campuses. We also attempted to figure out how to accept donations. (And believe me, once we figure that out, I'll be soliciting you all every chance I get.)

Hannah reminded me yesterday, that I do, in fact, have friends. Charlie and Sean are the only two students from Purchase that I continue to speak to. And there're Jalissa and Ebony. And some other people from high school. And of course Filming Ohio. And Zöz. I do have friends. They seem to all be fairly disparate of one another, though. I was thinking about having a dinner party for me and my friends. But I'm not sure that would work out at all. No one would talk to each other. I'm pretty sure they're all don't exactly get along, either. Too bad, though. I throw a mean dinner party.

I did a lot of talking today. I just hope I have a ghost of a voice for tomorrow.

***

This PostSecret has helped me out a lot this week. I hope it does the same for you.

"Winter Song"

2010-01-10T22:45:00.006-05:00

And I thought the day would be wasted after waking up at 3:30 in the afternoon. Today will be my last day of being sick. I'm feeling much better.

But it was not. I made the above video and text messaged Cecelia:

Are you home? I uploaded a video for "Winter Song" on YouTube. Can you watch it and let me know what you think?

She called me a little over ten minutes later.

Yes.

Things are complicated for sure. There's the whole issue of her relationship with her ex-boyfriend. But I'm not concerned. I've got my complications too. There's plenty of time for drama. Right now, I'm focusing on the positive. Like how good things do happen in my life—once in a while.

***

I leave early in the morning for Connecticut to meet Charlie and Sean's house to discuss all of the goings on in the Fluorescent Sounds Music Festival. We've got a lot to get done before October. I think we're probably going to need to fill out paperwork tomorrow. And I'm definitely getting reimbursed for joining The Field. In any case, there's work to be done.

***

I'd like to thank YouTube for making dreams come true.

Someone's taken my place

2010-01-10T03:01:00.001-05:00

Still sick, I woke up early to go with my mom to meet my long-time friend from Saratoga, Katrina, and her mom for lunch at The Whistling Kettle in Ballston Spa. I test drove my voice in the shower and I didn't really like the way it handled, really needed that power steering. So when we got to ordering, I asked for a tea that would sooth my voice. And so I got "Sore Throat Soother". And believe you me, it did the trick. I wasn't feeling 100%, but I could stay in tune with only a minor rasp. Some people think rasp is sexy, you know.

I bought some of the loose tea to take home to baby my throat with in addition to Halls Honey Lemon cough drops. So I drank two more cups of tea at home (add that to the three cups I had at the café) plus countless lozenges as I burned new copies of Live: 8.21.09 and got my things in order for the night's performance.

It's a perfect example of why I needed a GPS (and got one for Christmas). I only needed to pick Cecelia up in Rotterdam. But, of course, I got lost. I thought I new where I was going. So after finally getting her. We drove past Emack and Bolio's at least 3 times before finally finding it.

I arrived with my things just as the show was starting. I had hoped to arrive early to set up my computer to record the show. Josh's was there with Phil and their friends from Crane who live in Long Island that are staying with Josh for the night. I got the recording equipment going in time for my set. I drank lukewarm tea in between songs. I even spoke with the owner to about playing a show there. Actually, he approached me. That's always a good feeling. And I sold a bunch of CDs. Money is good too.

First time “Yellow” has been performed since 6.23.09

"Winter Song" (first time played live)
"Yellow"
"Song No. 3"
"Wasting Time"
"Vibrations" (with Vinny on Drums, Josh on vocals, Justin called them up from the crowd)
"Nature Boy" [tease] (one time through main riff)
"Remember Two Things"
"Go Away" (first time played as a closer)

Valerie played a really good set with Vinny and Ben Zeigler. I recorded their set too.

And then Zöz and I drove home. I found her house much easier that time, since she was in the car.

***

It's 3 o'clock. Do you know where your heart is?

So Stay

2010-01-09T03:48:00.004-05:00

This is the official death of auto-tune:

***

I told myself I would have at least 365 posts this year, but I forgot to post last night. Ever since I beat Super Mario 64, I got sucked into Mario Kart 64. I was still sick yesterday. But not sick enough to finally get that 120th star. Luckily, I finished that around 2:30 in the afternoon. After mailing out a textbook I sold on Amazon, I picked up Jalissa and Ebony for Monopoly at my house and Wings and Rings. We got the news that Jalissa is probably going away to college this semester. I'm not sure what that means for the BGC, but Ebony and I aren't happy about it. Not that we don't want Jalissa to have an education, but we've had this tradition since the Fall, and it will be sad to have to wait until Spring Break and the Summer to see each other again. Ebony and I will still hang out. (I won Monopoly, by the way. After losing last week, I had to get back on track with my strategy.) I also firmed up plans with Cecelia to go to the show that I'm playing in tomorrow. This came after she commented on my facebook profile:

I just listened to Winter Song for the 3rd time in a row, and I love it and think it's beautiful. Just thought I'd let you know...

I really do like that song. So I told her that she should come with me to the show. Turns out, she was planning on going anyway. I'm picking her up at 6.

***

I woke up late today. Shoveled the front of my house, still sick, drove to Drome Sound for strings, and went to Josh's house. The van that we pack our equipment in was at someone else's house, 20 minutes away. That meant we were late to meet people back at Josh's house (only Aden, actually). I knew that tonight's show wasn't going to bring in a lot of people. But I felt bad for Flip The Bus, good friends of ours. I wasn't sure how they would react to a small crowd. They played really well, though. I haven't seen them perform in at least a year. And me, still being sick, had to cut our set short by a few songs. It just wasn't the same without Will (who is in Florida with his college's swimming team). My voice just couldn't take it, either. And I need to save it for tomorrow's show. I need to sound my best for the ladies.

"#41" (Played with Flip The Bus at the end of their set as the supergroup, “Filming People Flipping Buses In Ohio”)

Soundcheck (:
Improv Jam (based on “Mis Hijos” and “Old News” chords)

***

First time “David” has been played full band since 7.11.09
First time “Semi-Charmed” life has been played full band since 6.27.09
First time “Buy U A Drank” has closed a full band show since 7.11.09

Set List:

"Old News" (first time as a full band opener)
"Song No. 3" (horns played their vocal parts)
"Little Thing"
"David"
"Replay" (first time played full band)
"Mis Hijos"
"Vibrations" (truncated ending)
"Ms. Jackson"
"Song No. 2"
"Semi-Charmed Life"
"Song With Two Lines" [aborted] (aborted after a few times through the intro chords because Justin felt he couldn't sing the high notes)
"Buy U A Drank"

Then we all came back to my house for food. The adults drove to the supermarket and bought 6 frozen pizzas, Totino's pizza rolls, potstickers, mozzarella sticks. We played games and went into the basement for air hockey. It was a good night. Not a great night. The food definitely made up for what was missing at the show. Hopefully tomorrow night will go well.

***

There's more than just singing on my mind.

1 Star Away

2010-01-07T02:40:00.000-05:00

I stayed in bed until 2:45 this afternoon. My sore throat got worse overnight. I was completely congested from the post-nasal drip and my lips were crusted with a saliva-mucus wet sand that I had to peel off. I sat up and blew my nose for a few minutes. Earlier, around 1:00, Jalissa called me, like I'd asked her to, to see if I could give her a ride home from work. Being too sick imagine being awake, I told her, "Not today."

And I spent the rest of the day watching TV, playing Super Mario, and making dinner. It's a hard life.

***

If you're in the area, Filming Ohio has a show with our friends from Flip The Bus at the Ancient Order of the Hibernians on State St. in Schenectady this Friday at 8PM. Tickets are $5 if you're under 21 and $4 for 21 and older. If you have Facebook, the event is listed here.

I'm also opening up for Valerie Webb this Saturday at Emack and Bolio's on Western Ave in Albany at 7PM.

***

I never heard back from the hospital about my X-ray and I'm still waiting for a phone call about my appointment with a neurologist.

***

I wonder what you're doing right now.

Happy Birthday, Josh

2010-01-06T02:51:00.002-05:00

I spent two hours in the doctor's office this afternoon.

My appointment brought me to Ellis Hospital's Medical Arts Building at 2:45. After a brief stay in the waiting room, I began my physical with Dr. Donahue. Everything was checked. But I wanted to talk again about my back pain and numbness. After a few physical tests, he recommended that I go for an X-ray. He also scheduled me an appointment with a neurologist just to make sure that my pain wasn't something caused by a brain abnormality. I walked to the radiology department of Ellis and into a room where a man and a woman who appeared to be in some sort of training took X-rays of my back. And then he said, "We're just going to check that last one," and left the room. So I sat up and waited at the edge of the table. Then laid back down again. Then stood up and walked around. Then moved the X-ray table my accident. Then looked at the different surgical gloves. 40 minutes after the technician left, I left too. No one ever came to get me. And I figured I had misheard him and he really told me that I was free to go. But I had things to do. I couldn't wait any longer. Besides, they have my cell phone number, if anything were wrong, they could call.

And then I drove home, made a sandwich, and got ready for the show at the Union Inn. Josh's girlfriend was there tonight. And after a long history of bad girlfriends in our family, I think this is the one that might break the cycle. It also happened to be Josh's birthday. He turned 19. So of course, I played "Happy Birthday To You" for him and then "Replay," by Iyaz, which is Josh's favorite song right now. He was very surprised. Of course, he hadn't noticed what I had written on the setlist:

It made sense to him afterwards.

"Island In The Sun" (first time played as an opener)
"Like A Rolling Stone"
"Walter"
"Go Away" (first time played Justin and Josh)
"Clocks"

*** Set Break so someone who came in for Open Mic could play 3 songs

"Little Thing"
"Meet Virginia"
"Melissa"
"Return Of The Mack"
"Kiss From A Rose"
"Ms. Jackson"

***

"Cecelia" [tease] (Justin solo, chorus once)
"That’s The Way Love Goes" (Justin solo)
"I’m Yours">
"Three Little Birds" [partial]
"Killing Me Softly With His Song"
"Vibrations"
"Billie Jean"
"Wonderwall"
"Semi-Charmed Life"

***

"Waterfalls"
"Happy Birthday To You" (to Josh)
"Replay" (first time played)
Improv Jam>
"Crazy"
"Eight Days A Week"
"Superman"
"Buy U A Drank"> (“Cop Car”, “Gin & Juice”, “Lollipop” interpolations at the end of the song, Justin)
"All Along The Watchtower"

We only have a few more weeks running the show at the Union Inn. And I've had a really good run since Thanksgiving. So many new songs and so many new friends. Yes, I've become friends with some of the regulars at the Union Inn. And although I'll still go in every Tuesday for Open Mic, it just won't be the same. Dave graduates from Union College this year, so this Summer, the Union Inn is all ours.

Too Many Ferrero Rocher

2010-01-05T00:44:00.000-05:00

I got to sleep in today.

No need to take a shower, either, until 4:00 PM.

Were is not for my dinner plans with Hannah, I would have stayed in my pyjamas all day.

But it was so good. Eel and spicy scallop and salmon and tuna and shrimp and red bean ice cream. I never feel bad about eating that much sushi because I never feel grossly full afterwards. The conversation is always good with Hannah. She's not pretentious. She's not up tight about anything. And it's always nice to be with someone who understands what it's like to got through shit and is honest about it.

***

I got two more stars on Super Mario: 111 now.

WHAAAAAAAA?

2010-01-04T03:39:00.000-05:00

Continuing the routine of waking up before I'd like to, today, we went down to the Stockade Inn for brunch with the family. 10 o'clock isn't that early for a school day, in fact, it's pretty late. But was a Sunday morning on Winter Vacation (Day 27 of Winter Vacation to be exact, and I have 16 days remaining). The food was justified leaving the house at such an early hour.

Dad had called me several times during Brunch, but I didn't pick up. When we got home, we got into a bit of an uncomfortable conversation about me not always wanting to see him. This came after it was already decided yesterday that we were going to Rosemarie's grave today. I had already eaten and told him that I wasn't really hungry to go out for pizza afterward. That spiraled into a discussion of things not always being fair and how compromise is needed and how I open up to my friends more than I do to him and me not introducing him to my friends in social situations and how I can't be his go-to person all the time now that Rose died and he doesn't have anyone else to talk to. You can see how these things get out of control. And it's been going on for thirteen years.

Dad's mother is buried in the same cemetery as Rose. We stopped at her site first to lay down flowers wrapped in a plastic bag at her plaque.

Then we moved to Rose's burial site. I would like to say that we visited her grave or her tombstone, but the family hasn't put one up yet. It was the saddest thing to see. I waited in the car parked on the narrow pathway in the cemetery as he walked around in the bitter cold looking for where she was buried, next to her mother. The snow had covered all of the plaques embedded into the grass. Were it not for her mother's headstone, Dad wouldn't have been able to find the spot where her body was entombed. He was looking up and down rows of grave markers with sharp movements of his head, the wind blowing the drifts of snow around the field. He was looking for his lost love. She was hiding and he could not find her. Where had she gone? Who took her?

He signaled to me in the car once he found the spot. I ran to his side as he laid the fresh roses wrapped completely in a black plastic bag on the ground—you couldn't see the flowers at all, covering it partially with snow so as not to let the wind sweep it away. "One day…", he kept saying, "One day." And he was certain of this day. It will come.

But I would like to see a headstone first. She died a year and a few days ago, on December 31, 2008. Her mother died on December 10, 2008. She had cancer too. Rose was 54. Her mother was 87. My father hasn't been all right since.

***

Tonight, I cooked roast beef for dinner using the same garlic and herb injections and Dijon mustard coating as on Christmas. I liked the Christmas pork better, although tonight's dinner was good too. I also fried some wontons stuffed with the mushroom filling I used to make stuffed mushrooms on Christmas. It was a dinner remix, really.

And then, after watching videos of people beating levels of Super Mario 64, I decided to hook up my old N64 in my bedroom. I've been playing Super Mario all night. To me, Super Mario 64 is the best game Nintendo has ever put out. I never got all 120 stars. But I got 2 more tonight. (I have 107 now.) It's been seven or eight years since last played the game, but all of the controls came right back into my fingers. I think this is the first time I've mentioned video games in this blog. I should say that I haven't played video games since senior year of high school. (Maybe once or twice since then.)

***

Hannah and I are having dinner at Hana tomorrow night. It's been at least two months since we last had sushi together. There's nothing I love more than getting dressed up to go out for dinner. And I've been looking good lately. Not bragging. Just saying. I've got my shit together in the wardrobe department.

Until dinner, I've got a mound of Ferrero Rocher to satisfy me.

I've come to take you home

2010-01-03T01:17:00.001-05:00

I woke up too late apparently. We were driving to Elliott's house for sleighriding and dinner. But I was late waking up. I didn't know about this plan. And no one bothered to wake me up when they realized we'd be late. No one cared that we weren't on time. They were just sitting around eating snacks, anyway. I had to bring my laptop and blank CDs with me so I could burn more copies of Filming Ohio's music for the night's show. I had thought I would have time to finish all of that while I wasn't at Elliott's, but home, relaxing after a very tiring New Year's Eve and Day. Sleighriding is more fun when it isn't blizzarding outside. I caught a few snow drifts down my pants in the 45 minutes or so that we were outside. The hot chocolate made up for any frozen bottoms.

Josh and I left the gathering early to return to Schenectady to meet the rest of Filming Ohio at his house to load up equipment. He dropped me of at my house so I could print out CD covers and the set list.

Expresso Therapy is a tiny café. But somehow we made it work. We took up a third of the floor space with our equipment and ourselves, and there was standing room only by the time everyone squeezed in. But it was the most fun I, and I think Filming Ohio has had in a very long time. We had the luxury of having out own equipment, an hour to set up, an opening act to perform after we finished setting up (Valerie Webb), and a two and a half hour block all to ourselves. There was magic happening every moment. After embarrassing Josh about his new girlfriend (his first one (that I know about)—who happened to be at the show and who hadn't met anyone else in the family besides me until tonight), the sing along during "Last Christmas", and everyone's amazing performances, I'm ready to call this our best show ever.

Soundcheck:

Improv Jam (sounds like a “Edge Of Seventeen” into to Bad Stuff)

Set List:

"No Rain"
"Vibrations" (“Theme From James Bond” interpolation, Josh)
"Bye Bye Bye"
"Mis Hijos"
"Hot In Herre" [tease] (Justin solo, intro chords and Justin ad libs vocals as Valerie comes on stage)
"Spoon" [tease] (Justin solo, intro and verse chords)
"David Jones" [tease] (Justin solo, chords a few times)
"Song No. 3" (with Valerie Webb on vocals, Will on acoustic guitar)
"Song With Two Lines" (with Valerie Webb on saxophone, Will on banjo, truncated version)
"Song No. 2" (with Valerie Webb on saxophone)
"Solsbury Hill" (first time played, with Valerie Webb on vocals)
"Little Thing" (Justin fumbles lyrics to 2nd verse)
"Summertime Girl"
"Taste So Good" (played slowly)
"Last Christmas" (first time played Filming Ohio)
"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
"Superman"
"Billie Jean"
"Snake" (“Theme From Doug” interpolation, horns)
"Reaper" (Justin forgets lyrics to 2nd verse)
"Crazy" (short instrumental intro)
"Bad Stuff" (“Edge Of Seventeen” intro)
"Buy U A Drank" (Justin talks to Alex Allwine in the corner in a sexy voice about how he "wants to take her home)
"Old News" (“Theme From Inspector Gadget” interpolation, Josh, Will, Justin; "Three Little Birds" outro; Justin starts a call-and response and a sing along to "Three Little Birds")

I'm very tired, but I have to thank everyone who came to see us tonight. I saw some old faces and some unfamiliar faces. We had young kids and the elderly. Guys and girls alike. But I know that everyone in that place had a good time. And that's all we try to ensure.

On my way out, Rich (who has booked my shows there and who works behind the counter) said to me form the doorway as I was already outside, getting into my car: "Is it a problem that we can't pay you?" Absolutely not. That's not what Filming Ohio has ever been about. We didn't play our first show until three months after we got started. We have always played for ourselves first, and when audiences show up, it makes our job that much more fun. I would play a show like tonight's every Friday night for the rest of my life without getting paid. It's just too bad that everyone has to be in school during the Fall, Winter, and Spring. That'll change. Just four more years…

'010

2010-01-01T20:21:00.000-05:00

I hope you all had a very happy holiday season. After many many meals and many gifts and many hours logged with the family, I am glad that I've finally made it into 2010. Josh and I have been playing many shows and while we've had more show cancellations then I would have liked, we've been doing a lot of new music and working on getting our name out there. If you'd like a taste of what I've been working on, head on over to my MySpace page and listen to "Winter Song". I should have a new album out sometime before Spring. I asked for gift cards this year to buy the sound equipment that I need to start doing solo shows without depending on others' stuff. The mixer and speakers will be purchased soon.

I spent New Year's Eve at a party with Josh at the Holiday Inn in Albany, a private party thrown by a relative of an old friend of mine from middle school who I reconnected with recently while playing a solo show at SCCC. It's funny how things like that work themselves out, isn't it? After the show we drove to Saratoga to meet up with Josh and his girlfriend and her friends. She's from Galway and goes to Crane with Josh. It's so strange. My almost-brother is all grown up.

And while old friends have popped up again in my life, some new friends are just the people I need around me. Zöz (Cecelia) and I went out for lunch on Wednesday at the new café opened up by Perecca's bakery. She really is wonderful. A delight, even. And anyone who laughs at my rants is okay in my book. I hope our friendship will continue long after Rocky Horror has ended.

Filming Ohio is playing an acoustic show tomorrow at Expresso Therapy with special guest Valerie Webb (formerly of Venomentality)on vocals and saxophone. She's also playing a opening set. We've come a long way as a band. it's hard to believe that we go our start over three years ago. January 26 will mark the 3-year anniversary of our very first show. We're really at a high point in our development. And though we won't be able to play as many shows as we'd all like to while school is in session, the summers will hopefully be kind to use for the next few years.

***

I've been thinking about the important events that have happened in my life this past decade. And I've made a list of them, marking what I feel are the most important, one for year year.

2000: Graduated elementary school
2001: Acted in my first theatre production ever (middle school musical theatre)
2002: Began to learn to play the guitar
2003: Graduated middle school
2004: Acted the my first theatre production in high school
2005: Played my first live show
2006: Joined Filming Ohio
2007: Graduated high School
2008: Broke up with Madison
2009: Transferred colleges to UAlbany

Obviously, school has been a very important part of my life. But more and more, I'm starting to find my niche outside of academics and outside of my college personality. Zöz got a taste of that at lunch. I'm a very different person when I'm not on campus. Schenectady seems to bring out the best in me.

Oh, where has a the time gone? I just spent over a half hour looking at old LiveJournal entries form 2005. I've been blogging since 2004, but only seriously since 2007. Gosh, how silly I was in high school. So many strange relationships and awkward moments. I no longer need to be cryptic in order to tell the universe how I feel. And it's better that way.

Ten years ago I graduated from elementary school. And now I'm two and a half years out of high school. Pretty soon I'll be thirty and fifty and ninety and dead. The things that happen when we're not paying attention…

2010 is my year. I can feel it.

Now that it's Christmas

2009-12-25T01:24:00.002-05:00

It was an ordinary day.

Christmas Eve 2009. Were it not for the fabulous dinner I had with my father, I might have thought it was just Thursday.

I didn't get anything accomplished. I stayed in pyjamas until 5:45, when I took a shower. Why wear nice clothes around the house. They're only going to get mussy.

There aren't many times in my life when I feel proud of my appearance. But tonight was definitely one of those times. I had on a new shirt, nice grey pants, new brown shoes, and a black blazer that I never wear. I was dapper, if I may say so.

I felt uneasy exchanging gifts the restaurant, although we had only given each other gift cards. It's not as though he gave me a new bicycle. I'm not sure Ferrari's would have allowed him to bring that inside. And to think of all the wrapping paper. I had only asked for a gift certificate to Drome Sound. I have sound equipment to buy. I suppose it's not that weird, but that doesn't mean I can't feel weird about it.

Dinner was, by far, one of the most exciting and delicious holiday meals I've ever eaten. We ate a bountiful antipasto with prosciutto, capicola, genoa salami, sharp provolone, fresh mozzarella, and a roasted red pepper salad. I would have eaten more of it had I not been anticipating my meal of two large veal chops with sauteed onions, mushrooms, and cherry peppers in garlic oil and white wine. The veal was out of this world. Ferrari's always does it up right. It was called Veal Chop Mafioso. Now that's a dish I can get behind. Dad ordered one of the specials from their Christmas Eve Menu, Shrimp Angelina, Jumbo Shrimp in a Tomato Basil Cream Sauce over pasta. I tasted a bit of his, I would have gladly ordered it, even after eating most of my plate. Dad has known the owners for a long time. When I called for reservations earlier in the day, the man I spoke to on the phone said they only had tables open for 4:00 and 8:00 PM. After I had booked the 4 o'clock, I called back to switch it to 8:00. They told me they were not taking 8 o'clock reservations at all. Something was screwy. Dad called the restaurant, asked for Joe, told him who it was, and we got a table for 7:30. No desert, no coffee. We were stuffed.

I hope everyone has a very happy and safe Christmas today. The roads may be slippery where you are: be careful driving. You might have to sit next to a not-so-favorite relative: try to be polite. Your grandmother's ashes might be buried in a cemetery somewhere: you can still say hello. Of course, the reason for the season in Jesus, although many of us are agnostic or atheistic. But that hasn't stopped me from enjoying Christmas for twenty years. Nevertheless, I hope this tiny video makes you smile. Merry Christmas, everyone.

It's Complicated

2009-12-24T01:25:00.003-05:00

I woke up Tuesday to hang out with the Friendly's Crew.

It's been about four months since we all last saw each other. Of course, I've seen Jalissa and Ebony quite often. But that five of us did not leave on such great terms last time. Gina had to leave early and the other four of us still came back to my house. But there's something magical about the Friendly's Crew. We still know how to make each other laugh and pee our pants. Especially Rebecca. She's awfully cute when she's on the verge of peeing her pants. She's leaving for Italy in a few days. She'll be there until the second week of January (I think) studying something, I'm presuming art, that's her major anyway.

After we parted ways, The BGC drove to the mall for some last minute shopping and back to my house to finish a game of Monopoly we started last week. And in a BGC first, I lost. Ebony won triumphantly. She owned most of the property on the board, in fact.

Right after we finished, I went to print out the set list for that night's Union Inn show. But my printer had other plans. Even though it's a completely black and white document, my printer wouldn't print it unless it had color ink. So I had to drive to Wal-Mart leaving the girls at my house, to buy color ink that I wouldn't use for who knows how long.

I made it to the Union Inn on time. I met Josh there and we unloaded the equipment. He was coming from a performance at Mont Pleasant Middle School, helping out his old band director by playing sax with the middle choir band.

I must admit, I knew that I missed Josh's playing. But it wasn't until I really got midway through the set last night that I felt like things were back to normal (at least for a little while). We debuted some new songs and played some tunes I haven't performed in a while. We also booked a show for New Year's Eve at a formal in Albany. It's being thrown by one of my old friends from middle school who I happened to see at the SCCC gig and who came to the Union Inn last night.

First time “Superman” has been played since 7/5/09
First time “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” has been played since 12/2008
First time “The Christmas Song” has been played Justin and Josh since 12/2008
First time “What’s Going On” has been played Justin and Josh since 7/14/09
First time “Hey Ya!” has been played Justin and Josh since 8/11/09 and the first Matt Weedle Version Justin and Josh since 7/14/09
First time “#41” has closed a show since 8/4/09 (not including open mic at the Lark Tavern 8/12/09)
First time “Wonderwall” has been played Justin and Josh since 8/18/09
First time “Eight Days A Week” has been played Justin and Josh since 7/14/09
First time “Run-Around” has been played Justin and Josh since 7/14/09
First time “Grey Street” has been played Justin and Josh since 8/25/09
First time “Satellite” has been played Justin and Josh since 7/17/09
First time “The Wizard” has been played Justin and Josh since 8/4/09
First time “Summertime Girl” has been played Justin and Josh since 8/25/09

"Hanginaround" (first time played as an opener)
"Melissa"
"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"
"Friend" (extended intro)
"Long Black Veil" (first time played Justin and Josh)
"Eight Days A Week"
"Wasting Time" (extended intro; “Trouble” (original) lyrics interpolation during intro, Justin)
"Ms. Jackson"
"Run-Around"

***

"Return Of The Mack" (first time played, cut from recording)
"Wonderwall"
"Kiss From A Rose" (first time played Justin and Josh)
"Spaceman" [tease] (Justin solo, main riff a few times)
"Grey Street"
"Buy U A Drank" (slow version)
"I Touch Myself" (first time played Justin and Josh)
"Killing Me Softly With His Song" (first time played Justin and Josh)
"Satellite"
"The Wizard"
"The Christmas Song" (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)

***

"Last Christmas" (first time played live)
"What’s Going On"
"Shake Me Like A Monkey" [tease] (Justin solo, main riff twice)
"Get Up (I Feel Like Being A) Sex Machine"> (first time played)
"Summertime Girl" (“Hot In Herre” interpolation during breakdown)
"Semi-Charmed Life"
"Superman"
"Dancing Nancies" (by request)
"Crazy" (by request)
"Waterfalls"
"Hey Ya!" (Matt Weedle Version)
"#41"

And we made $64.00 in tips.

***

I started out the day today abruptly. I remember I had a hair appointment and just woke up. I had a half hour to get myself together. Of course, when I got there at 1:30, one f the other hairdressers informed me that Linda wasn't coming in until 2:00. So I drove to get gas and back to my house for more money.

My dad and I had an 8:30PM court time to play racquetball. I know that's pretty late. But it was fun. We played until 10:00.

***

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I'll be spending the evening with my Dad. We're going out to dinner somewhere. It's the first Christmas Eve in a long time that I won't be going over to Uncle Paul's house with the family. Not that I wouldn't go there were I not spending the evening with Dad, but he's not having anything at his house tomorrow.

***

In life news: I think the world has finally heard my call for better days.

These days continue

2009-12-21T23:31:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was supposed to be a good day. Everything was supposed to work out.

Filming Ohio had their second rehearsal of the weekend at 1:30 for the Christmas Party later that night. We worked out quite a few holiday tunes: "Last Christmas", "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas", "Frosty The Snowman", "Feliz Navidad", "O Holy Night", and "Little Drummer Boy". We already knew two of the songs because we played in the Schenectady City Holiday Parade last year.

If you have Facebook, you can watch us perform "Last Christmas" at Josh's house: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=212317629799&ref=mf

We ended rehearsal around 4:00.

While I was out driving around, I called up the restaurant (Otis and Oliver's on Rt. 7 in Colonie) where we were scheduled to play to find out where we would be loading in and at what time. I booked this Christmas party through the Halloween party that Josh and I played at this year. The guy who's basement it was in really liked us and booked us right then for his business' Christmas Party later in the year. This party had been scheduled very much in advance. We got our deposit check last week and the rest of the money would be coming later last night. So I called the restaurant to find out all of the details and the gentleman with whom I spoke said that the party was coming in with less people than had been originally anticipated and that he could not close down the restaurant to so few people and that he could not have a live band playing. Excuse me? I received no phone call from Paul (the Halloween party guy). That was pretty rude of him to leave us hanging like that. The gentleman also said something about me not having cashed the check yet. What does it matter when I cash the check? The gig was cancelled. The party was not, but we wouldn't be coming. I was pretty upset. I had to call up the guys and tell them the bad news.

I spent the rest of the evening inputting Three Poems by E. E. Cummings (2009).

Then I got a text at 10:09 PM from Paul.

Hey man its Paul I just heard that the guy who owned the place said you couldn't come I'm so sorry I'm extremely pissed about this I hope it wasn't an Inconvenience to you guys he never even told us about it we were upset you guys couldn't come play!

It turns out that the owner of the restaurant informed Paul halfway through the party (right after I had called the restaurant) that the band couldn't play. What if I had never called? Was the restaurant going to call me? Probably not. Would we have shown up and have been turned away? Most likely. That's some bad management. It certainly isn't Paul's fault if people don't come. Furthermore, thinking as an owner of a restaurant, I would want a live band to come play holiday tunes for free in my place.

Paul and I are still on good terms. I was glad to know that it wasn't his fault. In fact, he was more upset and angry about it than I was. I was just bummed about not getting more than my share of the $50 deposit. Plus all of the rehearsal time we put into it, and the songs were sounding so good!

***

What did I do today? Nothing. Worked more in Finale. Cleaned my room. Made dinner.

And baked cookies with Mom. Cut-outs. They all came out well. So the baking is done for the season. Now, I just have Christmas dinner to prepare.

Christmas Goodies

2009-12-21T01:27:00.002-05:00

I just finished inputting the second piece of Three Poems by E. E. Cummings into Finale. And now you get to have the score!

http://www.sendspace.com/file/smj3al

I think the availability of scores is one of the major problems performers and lovers of classical (I hate calling it classical music, it's not, it's contemporary music, concert music, it's certainly not classical music anymore) music face today. Not only is it expensive, but many pieces are out of print or on back order form the publishing companies. A few years ago, I waited over a year to receive my copy of Bartók's Fourth String Quartet. And that's a fairly well-known and popular piece of music. Organizing the Fluorescent Sounds Music Festival has been a challenge. The possibility of having to provide copies of Cage's Song Books to 89 different performers plagues me. My decision to make my scores available for you to download comes after much frustration over copyright laws and the cost of scores. All I ask, should you choose to perform one of my pieces, is that you notify me. Maybe, maybe, I'll have you send me a check for a nominal amount. This philosophy has been carried over from my experiences playing solo and with Filming Ohio. It's not about the money anymore. It's about the recognition. I encourage you to perform these vocal works or any of the other pieces I've posted scores of on this website. I would love to hear recordings of them.

An Early Christmas Present

2009-12-20T20:32:00.000-05:00

I recently began inputting Three Poems by E. E. Cummings (2009) into Finale. The opening piece is called little tree, the score for which is my early gift to you this holiday season. (Although, if you celebrate Hanukkah, I suppose this gift is late. And if you celebrate Kwanzaa, then I have no idea if this is early or late or right on time.) Unfortunately, I'm not able to provide you with a recording, or even a MIDI file, as this piece has yet to be performed and Finale would not let me create a MIDI file. (Don't ask, I don't know why.)

If you find any spelling or punctuation mistakes, please let me know.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/svmh3o

I wish it were Dezember

2009-12-20T01:45:00.001-05:00

Thursday was needed.

I woke up late and I had to rush to pick up Jalissa and Ebony and drive to Schenectady County Community College for my 11:30 gig. I was nervous about this show (which I got from someone seeing me at the Union Inn) because I wasn't sure how the students would feel about a stranger playing covers and holiday tunes in the lounge of the main building. But it turned out to be an awesome show. I saw a bunch of people from high school and even middle school. And because I played mostly hip-hop songs, I won over the students and teachers who stopped what they were doing to listen to this kid. Angel, the gentlemen who booked me asked the girls, after I had stepped away to pack up after the show, "Do you guys allow follow him around?" I'm sure he didn't mean it to be as rude as it came out. But no, they don't follow me around. They texted me before I had even woken up that morning to say that they wanted to come. And they request songs and my shows, and sing all the lyrics. If any one, it's me who's dependent.

"Hey Ya!" (Matt Weedle Version, first time as an opener)
"The Christmas Song" (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire, 5/4 arrangement)
"Killing Me Softly With His Song"
"Buy U A Drank"
"No Scrubs"
"Human Nature"
"Waterfalls" (Justin talks about the audience clapping during the second verse)
"Crazy"

*** Set break for a raffle drawing. Justin drew the names.

"That’s The Way Love Goes" [tease]
"Semi-Charmed Life"
"That’s The Way Love Goes" [tease]>
"I’m Yours" [aborted] (Justin forgot the opening lyric)
"Christmastime Is Here"
"Ms. Jackson" (first time played as a closer)

After the show, the girls and I came back to my house to eat lunch (salad and hot cocoa) and to play board games, all in anticipation of Wings and Rings. It's been six weeks or more since we've been because of my Rocky Horror rehearsals. But finally, a Thursday free and a cold night to warm up from with chicken tenders! We were all a little disappointed, though, our favorite waitress, who knew our usually orders after the first week, was not there. She wasn't there the last time we went, either. That's half the reason why it's fun to go. Nevertheless, it was a great day spent with friends.

***

Filming Ohio was supposed to have rehearsal last night. But plans changed and I was left with nothing to do on a Friday night, something I've grown accustomed to. I texted Hannah. "Do you wanna come over for dinner?" She wasn't busy. And I had the perfect winter dinner planned. Coconut Curry Mushroom Risotto and Vegetable Stir-Fry with Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcias ice cream for desert.

We just talked. We talked about everything. Shared secrets. And we ate. A lot. It was one of the most delicious dinners I've ever made. My parents were at my mom's Christmas Party for work downtown. I make the best meals when no one's around. And we played Scrabble. No one ever plays Scrabble with me because I always win. Not bragging. No one plays with me. And even though I beat Hannah too, it was a fun way to end the night. Two people, both having their shit together, is a rare thing in Schenectady. Not saying that we don't have our individual neuroses.

***

Filming Ohio had rehearsal this afternoon to work on the Christmas tunes for tomorrow night's gig. Got this show through the Union Inn too. Of course, we can't just do the same tired arrangements of the songs we've heard on the local radio hundreds of times before (hundreds of times this season). We've always got to funk it up a little bit. We have a quick rehearsal tomorrow to polish things up before the show.

I went Christmas shopping for my father and stopped into Starbucks after rehearsal to say hello to Cathy Russell, the owner of the once-thriving (and once-in-business) Night Sky Café. She's the manager of that Starbucks now.

Family came over tonight to celebrate Uncle Paul's birthday. We spent most of the evening in the basement playing air hockey.

Christmas comes in six days. I'm not ready. I haven't bought gifts for everyone who deserves gifts. I haven't finished decorating the tree in my room. I haven't felt happy about the season. Because it will come and go and I will feel the same. That's how I feel about most days. There are pockets of smiles. But at the end of most days I want to feel more accomplished.

I had a dreams a few nights ago about my old friends. We were in high school again and things had never changed. And I woke up scared. And I felt grateful for being alone rather than being my old self. Have you felt like that before?

Sheep needs a sister. Soon.

What Will Become Of Me?

2009-12-16T16:00:00.006-05:00

I had a court time to play racquetball with my Dad at noon Sunday afternoon. I haven't played in at least a year, but it was a lot fun to get back into one of the only sports I enjoy. After the game, we ate bagels.

***

I called up Jalissa and Ebony on Sunday night to go to Expresso Therapy to catch the end of Rich Sarnacki's show (he's the kid who booked my show there last month). We got to hear a few songs while the three of us played cards and other games. They have the most delicious peppermint white hot chocolate.

I was trying to stay awake because I needed to drive to campus to be at the Earth Sciences building by 2AM to stargaze for extra credit for Exploration of Space. I left the house, drove there in twenty minutes and walked around the building looking for other people. No one. I drove back home. Turns out stargazing was the night before.

I Space final was Monday afternoon at one. I had studied pretty well for it, but I won't know how I did until grades officially come out. I'm just hoping I got full credit for my extra credit project. My grade needs it.

I couldn't sleep Monday night. I was studying for my Social Psych and Child Devlopement finals. And then I realized that I didn't know what room my Social final was in. So I checked the website. The Social final was optional, to try and improve your grade if you weren't happy with it. After studying for a half hour, I saw that grades were posted and I had an A. So I wouldn't have to take the final after all. But I did spend the next hour (2-3AM) studying for Child Dev. I think I did quite well on it, but with only three hours of sleep, it sure was hard to get up to be there on time for it.

***

It was Tim Reynolds' birthday yesterday. He's 52.

I hung out with Hannah last night. We met up at the Muddy Cup in Schenectady for a bite to eat and to chat. It'd been a little bit since we last got together. I've been busy with shows and rehearsals, and she's been busy with school. But we needed to hang. We had so much to talk about. We many things hanging over our heads that felt good to discuss. It's strange to think that she's the oldest friend I have. WE've known each other since elementary school, kindergarten. WE talked a lot about how Schenectady has a distinct vibe and how you can tell if someone's from Schenectady. Or Rotterdam, or Scotia, or Niskayuna, for that matter. But that we wouldn't have liked to have grown up anywhere else. It's not until you live in Schenectady for a long time that you realize how big and how intense of a city it really is. We talked of our tiredness for all of the fake people in this city, all of those who thought that moving away would make things better. But just when the property values skyrocket, they'll want to come back to say how proud they grew up here. Schenectady's not such a bad place. You just have to know what to do with it. She also mentioned that she's never had a Mike's hot dog before. So we left. I said, "Let's go, right now." And she didn't really want to. But we left and drove to Mike's for hot dogs with the works and fries. They're mighty delicious. We left with our jackets smelling of grease.

Last night's show at the Union Inn was strange. I really wasn't feeling the crowd last night, and I didn't exactly have the best vocal performance. I was hoarse from not drinking water during the first set and tired from too little sleep. Jalissa and Ebony were there as always, ever my support during these shows where the crowd is as thin as my patients for intolerant listeners.

"Time Of The Season" [tease] (main riff only)
"Melissa"
"Time Of The Season"
"That’s The Way Love Goes"
"Short Skirt/Long Jacket"
"#41"
"Hey Ya!" (Matt Weedle Version) (short instrumental intro)
"Down By The River"
Summertime Girl (“Hot In Herre” breakdown)
"Help Myself" [tease] (main riff a few times)
"Christmastime Is Here"
"Tripping Billies"
"Leavin’ The World Behind" [tease] (main riff a few times)
"Lean On My Heart"
"Human Nature"
"Eight Days A Week"

***

"One Sweet World" [tease] (Justin plays main riff on top of the house music)
"Waterfalls"
"Go Away"
"Where Are You Going"
"Semi-Charmed Life"
"Killing Me Softly With His Song" (short instrumental intro)
"Shake Me Like A Monkey" [tease]
[Unknown Song] [tease]> (Justin starts by playing the main riff to “Wasting Time” (as in the 12.8.09 show) then moves to a new riff with lyrics)
"Wasting Time"
"Trouble"
"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" [tease] (main riff only)
"The Christmas Song" (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire) (Justin's 5/4 arrangement)
"Christmas Is Coming" [tease] (Justin sings the chorus once a cappella)
"I Will Survive"
"Gravedigger" [fake]> (opening riff)
"Buy U A Drank"> (really slow, Justin ad libs sexy talk before and after the song, by request)
"Ms. Jackson" (“Return Of The Mack” interpolation in outro)
"Murder She Wrote" [tease] (chorus once)
"So Damn Lucky"
"Meet Virginia"
"Hot In Herre" [tease] (opening riff and Justin ad libs vocals)
"Leavin’ The World Behind" [tease] (main riff a few times)
"Shake Me Like A Monkey" (first time played)
"Vibrations" (“Theme from James Bond”, “Come On Be My Baby Tonight” intros, "Gin And Juice" interpolation before breakdown)
"No Such Thing" (by request)
"I Touch Myself" [tease] (verse riff a few times)
"Dancing Nancies" (by request)
"I Touch Myself"
"Stay (Wasting Time)" [aborted] (aborted due to tuning problems)
"Crazy"

***

I had my last final this morning. I stayed until 3 studying statistics. After a bad performance on the last test, I was very anxious about a repeat incident and subsequent meltdown. But no, I did quite well, I hope. I have a 103.96 average, which meant that I would need only an 83 to keep the A.

And that means I'm done. Done with school until January 20th. But that means everyone who goes to school elsewhere will migrate back to Schenectady for the winter. Strange birds. And I will try my hardest to avoid all of them. They are not my people anymore. I have new people. Like Hannah and Jalissa and Ebony. People who are trying to get their lives together, just like me. Just without all of the gossip and the smiley faces.

Christmas should cheer me up, at least.

Fiction

2009-12-13T01:27:00.000-05:00

I began recording this afternoon. Unfortunately, my computer isn't cooperating. So recording is being put on hold until I can resolve some software malfunctions.

I picked up Jalissa from work at 3 and decided that we should go around Schenectady looking for Christmas gifts. Now, for obvious reasons, I can't disclose for whom we were shopping or what gifts were looked at or what shops we went into, but I can say that I need to get paid, son!

We stopped into the library before I dropped Jalissa off at home and I picked up a copy of Mrs. Dalloway. I've been meaning to read this book ever since I read The Hours. And now with the renewed interest in that book, I figured I would waste time on my vacation reading and simultaneously doing research for a potential new musical rather than studying for the four finals I have early this week. But you understand that reading this book will serve me better than passing any of these finals will, don't you?

The family came over tonight for some grub. I spent most of my time in the basement with Bryan putting together the new air hockey table in our basement. Took all evening. But it's pretty nice. I'm sure it'll get old fast, though. Especially with no one to play with. After the holiday season, anyway.

Syntax.

I've had an ice cream sundae each night for the past three nights. Vanilla ice cream with a banana and Hershey's Chocolate Syrup.

I am drowning in words.